We were teenagers...I mentored him for the cadet exam and once he was cleared to take it I... was so happy for him and- [He trails off shrugging a little and blushing even harder.] Then he got his first GF the next day and I may as well have not existed.
[Squall's question gets him flustered too and he leans into the brunette as an excuse to not have to look directly at him. Shoulder to shoulder makes that difficult and at least this way he can pretend Squall can't see his burning cheeks.]
Us? Uh... well... sorta? It's not... the same thing. We were kids. I don't even think you were 11 yet? But Quistis came back and she wanted all your attention. It'd just been you and me for years and then she came along and I thought she was gonna take you away. Not sure why I thought kissing you would make you ignore her but I did.
Oh....does he know this? did you two talk about it? [He looks over to Zell and watches him clean for a moment before looking back at Seifer and catching him right when he mentions their own story.]
We....Seifer I don't...I don't remember any of that...[His dark brows furrow as he rubs at his head, trying to remember anything of what Seifer's talking about but it's all a bit of a blur. He remembers Seifer younger, remembers playing with him but not much else, nothing specific. He's pretty upset he can't remember it though. Seifer would have been his first kiss and he didn't even know it.]
Did I....did I like it? Did I kiss you back? Please tell me I didn't push you away...
[Squall rubs at his head, trying to remember and Seifer reaches out to take his hand instead, drawing it away from his face before he can get too frustrated with his memory. He threads their fingers together, doubting something small like that will really bring much back for Squall. Not the way it did for Zell. But... Squall had been a physical person too once upon a time. Not with everyone but with him, with Ellone, with Matron.
Squall is a lot more selective about who he lets that close to him. Which makes the concern he has about pushing Seifer away even more adorable. He shakes his head, dismissing the worry straight away. A shy, hesitant sort of smile tugging at his lips.]
No you didn't push me away. I mean. We were kids there wasn't any kissing back, exactly. But... you held my hand. Well, you always had but it was a lot more after that. And you actually tried to tell Quistis no when she came to interrupt what we were doing. Not that she listened.
[It is helpful to smash some of the worry down but he's still a bit distressed by this news. He gives Seifer's hand a squeeze in return, something slightly desperate to keep him here and in this moment. Those grey eyes are a storm as they look over Seifer, trying so hard to see or remember something that was long forgotten but he can't. Try as he might he can't remember what Seifer's saying.]
I'm sorry...I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I forgot this...Seifer I'm so sorry.
[The worry from before mixed with the pain he felt in this moment were getting to him and he pulled Seifer closer, moving in closer as well until he could rest his head against that broad chest. He knew Zell was probably still watching them and that he was maybe worrying him and Seifer but he couldn't help how awful he felt.]
I'm sorry
[He repeated those two words over and over as he buried himself further against Seifer. Try as he might to remember the good times locked in his mind all he could remember the bad. The shared scar, every time he pushed Seifer away, the torture, fighting him, watching him practically die in front of him and doing nothing about it. With all that awful how could Seifer ever let him back into his life. He was horrible, a villain in his friends story. He didn't deserve to have Seifer be this kind to him. He hadn't earned it but try as he might to move his body wouldn't let him.]
[Even if he were able to move he wouldn't be going anywhere. Squall leans into him and Seifer's arms come around him, hefting him up and just dumping the brunet into his lap fully. He was most of the way there already. One hand strokes down Squall's back, over his hair while he looks over his shoulder trying to catch Zell's eye. Squall needs reassurance maybe even more than he had earlier and Zell is a lot better at the whole... talking part of this shit than he will ever be.]
H-hey... shhh you don't gotta apologize. [A small gesture for Zell to come join them.] It wasn't your fault. And it wasn't mine. And I know that shit is hard to accept, fucking trust me, I know. You two won't let me forget it though. So we're not gonna let you forget it either. Right?
[Zell is an energetic guy who likes to keep himself moving; as such, especially when he's trying to make himself not be nosy about a conversation he's extremely invested in so that Seifer and Squall can have some privacy, he'd thrown himself into cleaning up that mess right away. It hadn't been too hard; most of the shards of Squall's mug had been big enough to simply pick up and drop in a trash can, and then it had just been a matter of wiping up the coffee and the tinier shards with some wadded-up paper towels.
Of course, this hadn't taken long. So he's been lurking since then, fidgeting - but resisting the urge to distractingly shadowbox in the background of their discussion - as he waited for developments. He hasn't really been trying to eavesdrop, or to watch them, but...once Seifer pulls Squall into his lap and catches his eye, by that point Zell is fairly patched into what's happening despite his better instincts. And as soon as he's acknowledged, invited in, he moves right over to settle next to Seifer.] Damn right we're not. I've already told both you and Seifer - what good's beating yourself up forever over stuff you can't change gonna do? Being all hung up on apologizing for who you used to be is just gonna get in the way of being who you wanna be or treating us how you wanna treat us now.
Not like Seifer doesn't deserve apologies from us, but...it's not like that's what he's been missing from us, either. Just like how we don't want him apologizing to us over and over. We just want the old Seifer back. The real him. Right?
[Being pulled into Seifer's arms helps a little. Those arms around him and the way Seifer feels under him is nice even if it's not something he can ever really remember feeling. It does seem to at least stop Squall's repetitive apologies for now, even if he is still upset. Zell remembered his times with Seifer, why couldn't he? What was wrong with him that he couldn't?]
Y-yeah...I want the real Seifer back too but...
[This sucks. Squall pulls back a little to look at the both of them, though not far enough away that his arms aren't around Seifer almost a little too tightly. He wants to be like them, he wants to remember and not have to feel like the only one who still doesn't have the whole picture. It's upsetting. He wants to remember being a child with Seifer, of holding his hand.]
Why am I the only one who can't remember? I feel like....well I feel like a dick.
's not like it's your choice. [Seifer actually rolls his eyes at that. Leave it to Squall to feel guilty about something that was done to him without his permission. He's a victim here too and somehow he's twisted it into him being a dick??]
You're not a dick for not being able to remember, idiot.
And I don't want you guys gettin the wrong idea. We were friends once, yeah, but... I'm still an asshole in a lotta ways. Maybe... not so angry now that I know what's going on. [What Ultimecia demanded of him? Yeah that's not him but every other instance of him being an ass? Maybe the catalyst isn't there but that's still who he is.]
[Zell scratches his head.] Well, I remembered once Seifer...well, did stuff he'd done before? Like...when I felt it, and realized it felt familiar. [He turns a little pink; one of those things, after all, had been kissing him.] But my body's always been smarter than my head. So maybe it's not a surprise it remembers better than the rest of me. You're different, though. So maybe it's just gonna take something different for your memories to come back. Maybe if Seifer describes things to you more, like when Irvine described the orphanage to us...?
[Zell gives Seifer a bemused look.] What, do you think Squall and I expect you to become someone totally new now that we're friends again? Or, y'know...dating? Less angry's good, but...I know the only you I remember decently well is who you were after I forgot you. I remember a little of who you were before, but...only bits and pieces still. [And, for a moment, he looks downcast.] And yeah...you were nicer back then. Happier. But I don't expect you to just...turn into that guy again. Even if you could, I'd end up feeling like you were some stranger I have to get to know all over again, like with how much Squall's changed. It wouldn't be bad, but...it'd be weird.
Besides, we both liked you even when you were a jackass. Maybe it was kinda complicated, but...there's always been good stuff about you. Like how strong you are, and how you never just blindly follow orders, how you've got all these principles even with people you hate, how much you care about stuff - [Zell belatedly realizes he...might be going on too much, and promptly turns even redder than before.] A-anyway, the point is we don't care if you're the same Seifer from, like...back during the SeeD exam. The worst parts of you were just you hassling us all the time for reasons we didn't even understand. I think that's the only thing we ever really wanted to change. And that's the only thing that really has a reason to change now, right?
[One thing that Squall is totally unfamilair with and he's sure he's never had to deal with is both Seifer and Zell teaming up against him like this, albiet for a good reason but still. He has Zell on his side looking way too cute and sweet and earnest while Seifer is beneath him and being gentle in his own way. It's a lot to take in and all Squall can do is just nod and hide against Seifer's chest. With one hand he entwines his fingers with Seifer and the other with Zell's giving them both a squeeze as if to say okay, and he understands what they are saying.]
[It takes a moment before he speaks again and when he does he doesn't remove his face from where he hid it.] I should be the one saying all this to the both of you. I'm older and yet....I still am a mess I guess. Even still I can't help but feel bad that I can't remember it but Zell's right, it would be weird if you changed so much so suddenly....
[He does shift a bit then to look at Zell] Am I really that weird now? [He can't help the pout on his face when he asks that. He knows he's different but different is good right? He was awful before but still if they think he's weird than that might make complications. He's not sure he wants to be weird. ]
[He only avoided being teamed up on because Mrs. Dincht kept Zell from attending Garden until he was 13. If he'd been with them early enough to have been around while Seifer and Squall were still friends he'd absolutely have been enlisted in harassing the brunet. Seifer squeezes Squall's hand in return even as he leans against him and tilts just enough to press lightly against Zell as well.
The smaller blond does get a murmured "sap." beside his ear when he goes off about all of Seifer's good qualities but aside from that one little jab Seifer is more focused on Squall.]
You said you only just remembered this stuff right? and you lived a whole other life somewhere else? Why the hell would you have had any ability to deal with the leftover shit from a life you didn't remember? That makes no sense, Squall.
[Seifer's jab just gets a little huff from Zell in return. Most of his attention is on Squall.]
It's not bad weird. Just...unfamiliar weird. Like I already told you, you're so different from how you were at my age that it's like I gotta get to know you all over again. It's not like I'm complaining about you being different. A lot of the changes are nice. No way would you have dated me before.
But yeah, Seifer's right! You've got all these extra memories and years and stuff compared to us, no wonder your brain needs longer to sort itself out. It's a lot more to sift through, right? So stop finding excuses to beat yourself up. [He reaches out and pokes the furrow at the bridge of Squall's nose.] You look almost as grumpy as the old you when you brood over stupid stuff like that.
[He frowns a little more at the touch of his brow but it's more lighthearted then actually upset.]
Well if you miss the old me I can just frown more and be a jerk. I'm not trying to brood it's just my face.
[Squall does pull back from Zell's teasing and just hides his face against Seifer's chest once more. It's warm there and now that he's so close to the man he finds that his whole being just seems to calm him a little. The mix of Seifer's scent and how even now he's still bigger than him feels really good. ]
I'll try and remember everything I can as quickly as I can. I don't want to fail you both.
Squall. [ Seifer's tone is stern and serious, one they've likely heard him use in his role as the head of the disciplinary committee but never (or at least rarely) with them. It's the sort of voice that would've made him a good leader if... he'd been paired up with probably anyone else for the SeeD exam. Powerful and unyielding, allowing no room for argument but not unkind.] It is not a failure on your part if you can't remember. Parts of our lives were pretty shit. I wouldn't be surprised if it's not only the GFs. Sometimes your brain just, shuts things out that hurt too much.
So I don't want to hear any talk of failing or disappointing us. Just being you and giving us another chance is already more than I could have ever expected.
[Zell is distracted from the protests he was going to make in Squall's direction by...Seifer, saying more or less what he'd planned to say. Only...way more articulately, and in a much hotter voice. Zell doesn't get to hear Seifer like that often; Seifer had always acted differently around himself and Squall than he did with his Disciplinary Committee, after all. (And, of course, now they all know why that was.) He's heard it once or twice, but...never quite like this, and never this close, and never sounding so...cool.
...okay, he takes it back, he had heard Seifer sound like this once before, up close and personal, sounding incredibly cool. Another student at Garden had made a shitty comment about him - about his being trans - and Seifer had stood up for him. Zell hadn't remembered anything about Seifer at the time, it was after he'd lost his memories of him, but...that had been his first realization that there was a lot more to Seifer than just a domineering asshole. And what had previously just been aggravation had turned into a sort of grudging, distant admiration. (Interspersed with the occasional fuming rage when Seifer would mock him.)
Of course, Zell had still been trying to convince himself he was straight back then. He hadn't realized he'd thought it was hot at the time. But hearing it again now...oh, yeah. It had been sexy as hell then, and it's sexy now. And Zell really wants to kiss him again.
...Zell realizes, belatedly, that he's just kinda been staring at Seifer for probably too long not to have been noticed, and he promptly turns red up to his ears and looks away as though he can possibly play things off with a blush like that.] I mean...yeah, what he said.
[He has to fight the urge to facepalm, and mentally kicks himself around the room. Oh, yeah, that was a smooth recovery.]
[That voice does get his attention and he pulls back from his safe spot against Seifer's chest to look at him as he speaks. those green eyes are almost piercing him and hit a lot more than the words do in that moment. He too finds himself a little compromised by Seifer in this moment and his cheeks tint a few shades darker before he ad to pull away and look elsewhere.
His eyes settle on Zell instead and he sees that same reaction there if not worse and it gets him smiling a little. At least they can be stuck in this together, it's a bit comforting.]
Alright, alright. I'll go at my own pace but I am going to remember it. It might take me longer but I will....
[Squall looks at them both before wrapping an arm around both of them to pull them equally close to him.]
Can we maybe do a repeat of the mansion...I mean the whole...bed thing. It felt nice having you both near me.
[ Seifer honestly has absolutely no idea why they're both blushing??? Or why Zell seemed to zone out there for a moment but he is serious and determined and he holds Squall's gaze with that same intensity for as long as is necessary before he relents. ]
That's okay. [ Softer, gentler this time. But no more forgiving. If he's not allowed to beat himself up for far more reasonable things then Squall is absolutely not allowed to beat himself up over this. ]
You got a bed big enough for all three of us in this place?
[ He can't help glancing around the little apartment. Perfectly serviceable but nothing half so extravagant as the mansion and the equally ridiculous beds. ]
I kinda liked that, too. [Zell glances at Seifer.] Is that something we used to do back at the orphanage? All sleeping together? It'd make sense if that's why we like it now...or maybe it's just nice and there isn't some secret reason we forgot.
[Not too surprising, given everything, that Zell half expects various things in his life and his predisposition towards them to potentially be related to forgotten memories. It's happened often enough.
Of course, he's just as prepared to accept that when it comes to curling up with childhood friends, now boyfriends, who are really hot guys, there maybe doesn't need to be any deeper reason to enjoy it. So he's definitely hoping Squall has a suitable bed.]
So, uh...what was that, your Disciplinary Committee voice? [This is totally a casual inquiry with no ulterior motives, which is definitely why Zell is looking anywhere but at Seifer when he asks. Casually.
He doesn't even know where he's going with this question, honestly. Just that he wants to hear more of it, and this is a fumbling verbal effort to catch some remnants of that fleeting moment in his fingers. He certainly knows he can't admit to liking it outright, though. That would be suicide.]
Never heard you sound like that before. Y'know...all business. [That's not quite what he means, but even if he could articulate better, he thinks any more accurate description would also be a significantly more compromising one.]
Unlike Zell, Squall doesn't plan to mention the voice. It's probably better if Seifer doesn't know so soon how badly it affected him too and what's more Squall should probably get off Seifer so a certain bulge doesn't rub against him either. They started off with doing physical things and Squall rather hold off on it until they are more stable in their relationship.
So reluctantly Squall moves to the couch again but keeps being close to Seifer and Zell. He does manage to get a throw pillow to cover himself before hopefully either blond notices his actions. "It's not as big as the one in the mansion but I think if we sleep close it will work. I want you both close anyway. That's the whole point isn't it? You can both borrow something to sleep in if you need. I don't have much options but I'm sure I got things that might fit you both in some way."
Squall gets to keep his dignity because Seifer is busy giving Zell a confused look. There's a small noise of disapproval when Squall's weight moves off him, an inquiring glance but-
"Disciplinary Committee voice?" What does that even mean? He shoves a hand through his hair, still mostly looking at Zell. "I mean... I guess? Point is I mean it."
His voice drops again and he turns to give Squall another hard look. He's not going to let him sit around and beat himself up if they aren't going to allow Seifer the same opportunity. What's true for one is true for all three of them, right?
Dammit, and then Seifer does it again. Zell's flush had been going away, but the deepening of his voice brings it back again. He averts his gaze from Seifer - not that Seifer is looking at him right now, but he might glance back any second - by looking to Squall instead, especially since Squall's moved...
Under other circumstances, Zell might not connect Squall's covering his lap with a pillow. But he sees it now, and it hits him with something like surprise and a lot of relief - okay, he's not weird. Seifer's voice must be hitting Squall the exact same way.
Zell should...probably not draw attention to it, though. Seifer noticing will probably spell doom for both of them, never mind bros not outing bros. So he looks elsewhere...although Squall may have noticed Zell's fixed look on the pillow for a few seconds and the abrupt look away, if he was paying attention.
Of course, depending on where Seifer was looking when, he might have noticed, too.
Man, talking about sleeping together right now, though... "I, uh, I can just sleep in my shorts, I guess?" he mumbles. "It's no big deal."
Hopefully Seifer doesn't notice and then the whole mood changes. He wants to take this slow and sweet with them both, to get to know them in a way that he doesn't really remember ever having. Sure he remembers bits and pieces of them in the orphanage but they were children then, he never got to know the men that they grew up into and love them for all their quirks. This is his chance and a dumb erection isn't going to be the cause of ruining that.
With a huff he forces himself to stand up, still holding the pillow out of habit and looks towards his bedrooms. "I'll get you both some clothes to borrow okay? I want you both comfortable."
Before either can really say no to that he leaves the pillow and hurries over to his bedroom where his dresser is. If he didn't move now then Seifer or Zell might have tried to pull him back to the couch or something which would have been nice but cuddling on a bed sounds better to him. That and moving is helping his erection go down, damn Seifer's sexy voice.
Mentioning their sleeping arrangements and, more importantly, what they can sleep in turns Seifer's attention away from the other two, still utterly missing the fact that he's so capable of compromising the both of them. He leans back, gaze drifting down as he thinks about it. The immediate response he'd meant to give was that.... it was fine. His pants aren't exactly uncomfortable.
But the stains on his hands and feet... and more than that there are blurred memories in his mind, fleeting glimpses of awareness when he'd awake- He can't be sure if it was actually from sleep or merely from the distant muted cage She'd put him into in his own head. But he'd felt.... unclean for so much of it. Wearing the same clothes, for days, maybe even weeks on end, waking in the same state not knowing just how much time had really passed.
"Hey Squall?" He calls after the brunet, voice a little distant now, especially compared to the intensity that had gotten them into this situation in the first place. "That'd be... a good idea. Thanks." Telling them why the idea of sleeping in his clothes sits poorly with him isn't something he plans on doing but... he can at least show his gratitude for Squall taking care of them.
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Date: 2022-11-22 09:42 pm (UTC)[Squall's question gets him flustered too and he leans into the brunette as an excuse to not have to look directly at him. Shoulder to shoulder makes that difficult and at least this way he can pretend Squall can't see his burning cheeks.]
Us? Uh... well... sorta? It's not... the same thing. We were kids. I don't even think you were 11 yet? But Quistis came back and she wanted all your attention. It'd just been you and me for years and then she came along and I thought she was gonna take you away. Not sure why I thought kissing you would make you ignore her but I did.
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Date: 2022-11-23 05:02 pm (UTC)We....Seifer I don't...I don't remember any of that...[His dark brows furrow as he rubs at his head, trying to remember anything of what Seifer's talking about but it's all a bit of a blur. He remembers Seifer younger, remembers playing with him but not much else, nothing specific. He's pretty upset he can't remember it though. Seifer would have been his first kiss and he didn't even know it.]
Did I....did I like it? Did I kiss you back? Please tell me I didn't push you away...
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Date: 2022-11-23 11:07 pm (UTC)[Squall rubs at his head, trying to remember and Seifer reaches out to take his hand instead, drawing it away from his face before he can get too frustrated with his memory. He threads their fingers together, doubting something small like that will really bring much back for Squall. Not the way it did for Zell. But... Squall had been a physical person too once upon a time. Not with everyone but with him, with Ellone, with Matron.
Squall is a lot more selective about who he lets that close to him. Which makes the concern he has about pushing Seifer away even more adorable. He shakes his head, dismissing the worry straight away. A shy, hesitant sort of smile tugging at his lips.]
No you didn't push me away. I mean. We were kids there wasn't any kissing back, exactly. But... you held my hand. Well, you always had but it was a lot more after that. And you actually tried to tell Quistis no when she came to interrupt what we were doing. Not that she listened.
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Date: 2022-11-25 02:06 pm (UTC)I'm sorry...I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I forgot this...Seifer I'm so sorry.
[The worry from before mixed with the pain he felt in this moment were getting to him and he pulled Seifer closer, moving in closer as well until he could rest his head against that broad chest. He knew Zell was probably still watching them and that he was maybe worrying him and Seifer but he couldn't help how awful he felt.]
I'm sorry
[He repeated those two words over and over as he buried himself further against Seifer. Try as he might to remember the good times locked in his mind all he could remember the bad. The shared scar, every time he pushed Seifer away, the torture, fighting him, watching him practically die in front of him and doing nothing about it. With all that awful how could Seifer ever let him back into his life. He was horrible, a villain in his friends story. He didn't deserve to have Seifer be this kind to him. He hadn't earned it but try as he might to move his body wouldn't let him.]
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Date: 2022-11-27 02:43 am (UTC)H-hey... shhh you don't gotta apologize. [A small gesture for Zell to come join them.] It wasn't your fault. And it wasn't mine. And I know that shit is hard to accept, fucking trust me, I know. You two won't let me forget it though. So we're not gonna let you forget it either. Right?
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Date: 2022-11-27 01:25 pm (UTC)Of course, this hadn't taken long. So he's been lurking since then, fidgeting - but resisting the urge to distractingly shadowbox in the background of their discussion - as he waited for developments. He hasn't really been trying to eavesdrop, or to watch them, but...once Seifer pulls Squall into his lap and catches his eye, by that point Zell is fairly patched into what's happening despite his better instincts. And as soon as he's acknowledged, invited in, he moves right over to settle next to Seifer.] Damn right we're not. I've already told both you and Seifer - what good's beating yourself up forever over stuff you can't change gonna do? Being all hung up on apologizing for who you used to be is just gonna get in the way of being who you wanna be or treating us how you wanna treat us now.
Not like Seifer doesn't deserve apologies from us, but...it's not like that's what he's been missing from us, either. Just like how we don't want him apologizing to us over and over. We just want the old Seifer back. The real him. Right?
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Date: 2022-11-29 02:53 pm (UTC)Y-yeah...I want the real Seifer back too but...
[This sucks. Squall pulls back a little to look at the both of them, though not far enough away that his arms aren't around Seifer almost a little too tightly. He wants to be like them, he wants to remember and not have to feel like the only one who still doesn't have the whole picture. It's upsetting. He wants to remember being a child with Seifer, of holding his hand.]
Why am I the only one who can't remember? I feel like....well I feel like a dick.
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Date: 2022-12-01 06:43 pm (UTC)You're not a dick for not being able to remember, idiot.
And I don't want you guys gettin the wrong idea. We were friends once, yeah, but... I'm still an asshole in a lotta ways. Maybe... not so angry now that I know what's going on. [What Ultimecia demanded of him? Yeah that's not him but every other instance of him being an ass? Maybe the catalyst isn't there but that's still who he is.]
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Date: 2022-12-02 12:46 pm (UTC)[Zell gives Seifer a bemused look.] What, do you think Squall and I expect you to become someone totally new now that we're friends again? Or, y'know...dating? Less angry's good, but...I know the only you I remember decently well is who you were after I forgot you. I remember a little of who you were before, but...only bits and pieces still. [And, for a moment, he looks downcast.] And yeah...you were nicer back then. Happier. But I don't expect you to just...turn into that guy again. Even if you could, I'd end up feeling like you were some stranger I have to get to know all over again, like with how much Squall's changed. It wouldn't be bad, but...it'd be weird.
Besides, we both liked you even when you were a jackass. Maybe it was kinda complicated, but...there's always been good stuff about you. Like how strong you are, and how you never just blindly follow orders, how you've got all these principles even with people you hate, how much you care about stuff - [Zell belatedly realizes he...might be going on too much, and promptly turns even redder than before.] A-anyway, the point is we don't care if you're the same Seifer from, like...back during the SeeD exam. The worst parts of you were just you hassling us all the time for reasons we didn't even understand. I think that's the only thing we ever really wanted to change. And that's the only thing that really has a reason to change now, right?
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Date: 2022-12-05 09:18 pm (UTC)[It takes a moment before he speaks again and when he does he doesn't remove his face from where he hid it.] I should be the one saying all this to the both of you. I'm older and yet....I still am a mess I guess. Even still I can't help but feel bad that I can't remember it but Zell's right, it would be weird if you changed so much so suddenly....
[He does shift a bit then to look at Zell] Am I really that weird now? [He can't help the pout on his face when he asks that. He knows he's different but different is good right? He was awful before but still if they think he's weird than that might make complications. He's not sure he wants to be weird. ]
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Date: 2022-12-06 06:25 pm (UTC)The smaller blond does get a murmured "sap." beside his ear when he goes off about all of Seifer's good qualities but aside from that one little jab Seifer is more focused on Squall.]
You said you only just remembered this stuff right? and you lived a whole other life somewhere else? Why the hell would you have had any ability to deal with the leftover shit from a life you didn't remember? That makes no sense, Squall.
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Date: 2022-12-07 01:10 pm (UTC)It's not bad weird. Just...unfamiliar weird. Like I already told you, you're so different from how you were at my age that it's like I gotta get to know you all over again. It's not like I'm complaining about you being different. A lot of the changes are nice. No way would you have dated me before.
But yeah, Seifer's right! You've got all these extra memories and years and stuff compared to us, no wonder your brain needs longer to sort itself out. It's a lot more to sift through, right? So stop finding excuses to beat yourself up. [He reaches out and pokes the furrow at the bridge of Squall's nose.] You look almost as grumpy as the old you when you brood over stupid stuff like that.
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Date: 2022-12-15 02:36 pm (UTC)[He frowns a little more at the touch of his brow but it's more lighthearted then actually upset.]
Well if you miss the old me I can just frown more and be a jerk. I'm not trying to brood it's just my face.
[Squall does pull back from Zell's teasing and just hides his face against Seifer's chest once more. It's warm there and now that he's so close to the man he finds that his whole being just seems to calm him a little. The mix of Seifer's scent and how even now he's still bigger than him feels really good. ]
I'll try and remember everything I can as quickly as I can. I don't want to fail you both.
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Date: 2022-12-18 02:11 pm (UTC)So I don't want to hear any talk of failing or disappointing us. Just being you and giving us another chance is already more than I could have ever expected.
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Date: 2022-12-18 02:57 pm (UTC)...okay, he takes it back, he had heard Seifer sound like this once before, up close and personal, sounding incredibly cool. Another student at Garden had made a shitty comment about him - about his being trans - and Seifer had stood up for him. Zell hadn't remembered anything about Seifer at the time, it was after he'd lost his memories of him, but...that had been his first realization that there was a lot more to Seifer than just a domineering asshole. And what had previously just been aggravation had turned into a sort of grudging, distant admiration. (Interspersed with the occasional fuming rage when Seifer would mock him.)
Of course, Zell had still been trying to convince himself he was straight back then. He hadn't realized he'd thought it was hot at the time. But hearing it again now...oh, yeah. It had been sexy as hell then, and it's sexy now. And Zell really wants to kiss him again.
...Zell realizes, belatedly, that he's just kinda been staring at Seifer for probably too long not to have been noticed, and he promptly turns red up to his ears and looks away as though he can possibly play things off with a blush like that.] I mean...yeah, what he said.
[He has to fight the urge to facepalm, and mentally kicks himself around the room. Oh, yeah, that was a smooth recovery.]
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Date: 2022-12-19 04:50 pm (UTC)His eyes settle on Zell instead and he sees that same reaction there if not worse and it gets him smiling a little. At least they can be stuck in this together, it's a bit comforting.]
Alright, alright. I'll go at my own pace but I am going to remember it. It might take me longer but I will....
[Squall looks at them both before wrapping an arm around both of them to pull them equally close to him.]
Can we maybe do a repeat of the mansion...I mean the whole...bed thing. It felt nice having you both near me.
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Date: 2022-12-22 06:51 pm (UTC)That's okay. [ Softer, gentler this time. But no more forgiving. If he's not allowed to beat himself up for far more reasonable things then Squall is absolutely not allowed to beat himself up over this. ]
You got a bed big enough for all three of us in this place?
[ He can't help glancing around the little apartment. Perfectly serviceable but nothing half so extravagant as the mansion and the equally ridiculous beds. ]
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Date: 2022-12-24 02:26 pm (UTC)[Not too surprising, given everything, that Zell half expects various things in his life and his predisposition towards them to potentially be related to forgotten memories. It's happened often enough.
Of course, he's just as prepared to accept that when it comes to curling up with childhood friends, now boyfriends, who are really hot guys, there maybe doesn't need to be any deeper reason to enjoy it. So he's definitely hoping Squall has a suitable bed.]
So, uh...what was that, your Disciplinary Committee voice? [This is totally a casual inquiry with no ulterior motives, which is definitely why Zell is looking anywhere but at Seifer when he asks. Casually.
He doesn't even know where he's going with this question, honestly. Just that he wants to hear more of it, and this is a fumbling verbal effort to catch some remnants of that fleeting moment in his fingers. He certainly knows he can't admit to liking it outright, though. That would be suicide.]
Never heard you sound like that before. Y'know...all business. [That's not quite what he means, but even if he could articulate better, he thinks any more accurate description would also be a significantly more compromising one.]
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Date: 2022-12-30 05:27 pm (UTC)So reluctantly Squall moves to the couch again but keeps being close to Seifer and Zell. He does manage to get a throw pillow to cover himself before hopefully either blond notices his actions. "It's not as big as the one in the mansion but I think if we sleep close it will work. I want you both close anyway. That's the whole point isn't it? You can both borrow something to sleep in if you need. I don't have much options but I'm sure I got things that might fit you both in some way."
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Date: 2023-01-05 11:27 pm (UTC)"Disciplinary Committee voice?" What does that even mean? He shoves a hand through his hair, still mostly looking at Zell. "I mean... I guess? Point is I mean it."
His voice drops again and he turns to give Squall another hard look. He's not going to let him sit around and beat himself up if they aren't going to allow Seifer the same opportunity. What's true for one is true for all three of them, right?
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Date: 2023-01-11 01:11 pm (UTC)Under other circumstances, Zell might not connect Squall's covering his lap with a pillow. But he sees it now, and it hits him with something like surprise and a lot of relief - okay, he's not weird. Seifer's voice must be hitting Squall the exact same way.
Zell should...probably not draw attention to it, though. Seifer noticing will probably spell doom for both of them, never mind bros not outing bros. So he looks elsewhere...although Squall may have noticed Zell's fixed look on the pillow for a few seconds and the abrupt look away, if he was paying attention.
Of course, depending on where Seifer was looking when, he might have noticed, too.
Man, talking about sleeping together right now, though... "I, uh, I can just sleep in my shorts, I guess?" he mumbles. "It's no big deal."
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Date: 2023-01-27 04:11 am (UTC)With a huff he forces himself to stand up, still holding the pillow out of habit and looks towards his bedrooms. "I'll get you both some clothes to borrow okay? I want you both comfortable."
Before either can really say no to that he leaves the pillow and hurries over to his bedroom where his dresser is. If he didn't move now then Seifer or Zell might have tried to pull him back to the couch or something which would have been nice but cuddling on a bed sounds better to him. That and moving is helping his erection go down, damn Seifer's sexy voice.
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Date: 2023-03-19 12:01 am (UTC)But the stains on his hands and feet... and more than that there are blurred memories in his mind, fleeting glimpses of awareness when he'd awake- He can't be sure if it was actually from sleep or merely from the distant muted cage She'd put him into in his own head. But he'd felt.... unclean for so much of it. Wearing the same clothes, for days, maybe even weeks on end, waking in the same state not knowing just how much time had really passed.
"Hey Squall?" He calls after the brunet, voice a little distant now, especially compared to the intensity that had gotten them into this situation in the first place. "That'd be... a good idea. Thanks." Telling them why the idea of sleeping in his clothes sits poorly with him isn't something he plans on doing but... he can at least show his gratitude for Squall taking care of them.