You of all people don't get to get mad that somebody's giving you the silent treatment!
This is Seifer! He wouldn't get all quiet and broody unless it was something that was really eating him! And you both suck talking about that kinda stuff.
I'm the dumb one, not him. I didn't know he ever cared so much about me. Looking back it was obvious but GF fuckery is a thing I guess....still seems like a lame reason to not know he thought of me as family...
You think if I didn't care I'd have been tracking you down every goddamn day for the rest of my life trying to get a rise out of you? I just wanted you to pay attention to me.
[Sorry Squall, you... never get an answer on that text. Instead, a short time later (about how long it takes to get from the training grounds to the apartments actually) Seifer slams the apartment door open, tugging Zell along behind him. Determination makes his expression more severe than he means it to be as he crosses the room in a few quick strides.]
Hey.
[He settles his free hand on Squall's shoulder, making sure the brunet is looking at him.]
We're both dumb, we both fucked up. That stops now, got it?
[His expression cracks a little, uncertainty in his eyes as he glances over at Zell, squeezing his hand even tighter, needing that anchor and encouragement one more time before his hand moves from Squall's shoulder to the front of his shirt, curling into a fist and yanking him forward into a kiss.]
[Even though he never got a text back, Squall made hot dogs for them all anyway. They are easy to make and easy to find in the market since they already are weiners and Squall needed something to distract himself from the loss of texts from Seifer and Zell. Whatever the two had been doing took a bit and he sat alone waiting.
He's already eaten and making coffee by the time Seifer and Zell storm back into the apartment. The slamming door alerts hin and he drops his cup in surprise, porcelain crashing to the floor and shattering around him. Seifer is coming towards him so he steps away from the mess and then is grabbed. He doesnt get to say anything before Seifer is speaking and apologizing? At least he thinks its an apology but then hes pulling him in for a kiss. Squall's icey eyes widen and he doesnt react right away too stunned by the chain of events but then his brain catches up and he grabs at Seifer's shirt in return, just as desperate for that touch and that kiss. When he can finally breathe again he looked at Seifer confused before leaning in and resting his head on his shoulder, still holding onto him.]
[Zell, meanwhile, still holding Seifer's hand, is grinning broadly, almost bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet. He clearly couldn't be any more pleased to see Seifer and Squall finally get on the same page. Once their kiss breaks and Squall apologizes, he can't keep quiet any longer, bursting out in triumph.]
[Squall leans on his shoulder and Seifer lets his hand come up to thread into that lovely long mane of his, burying a chuckle into his hair as well at Zell's outburst. He tugs at the blond's hand, pulling him in against his side so he can release his hand to instead settle it where it belongs against his neck.]
Well at least one of us did.
[A soft scoff at his own stubborn stupidity.]
Uh... Sorry about your coffee, though... [This murmured sheepishly against Squall as he looks past him to the mess on the kitchen floor. Oops?]
It's fine...no use crying over broken coffee, right?
[There is a chuckle there as he pulls away enough to look at both of them but not enough for Seifer to remove his hand. That feels really nice actually. Maybe he can convince Seifer to do it more often somehow, after he's done being really embarrassed of this whole situation.]
You owe me a talk, we didn't get to finish our rooftop rendezvous.
[He looks from Seifer to Zell and then the broken mug and coffee.]
But that can wait. I made hot dogs if you two are hungry, I have a date with a mop right now.
Coffee doesn't break, stupid. [But this is said indulgently, with a grin still on Zell's face as he's pulled in close to both of them without complaint. Seifer's hand at the back of his neck settles him in ways he'd forgotten he could be settled. He moves an arm to wrap it around Squall's shoulders, turning their huddle into a sort of three-way embrace.]
Anyway, you said Seifer owes you a talk, right? I'll clean up, you guys go do what you should've done hours ago. And if you're fast enough, maybe I'll even leave you some hot dogs. [Maybe.] A date with Seifer's probably an upgrade from a mop, anyway.
[There's a glint of mischievousness in his eyes. Clearly he's in a good mood, and on very good terms with Seifer right now, to be teasing like this.]
Probably!?! [All indignation and mock fury even as he does exactly what Zell said he'd thought about, squeezing his neck and giving him a playful little shake, somewhere between a shove and a noogie. Actually... the blond might remember how upset he'd been the one and only time Seifer had noogied him as the reason why this little gesture is familiar.
Then Seifer's hand drops from Squall's hair to scrub over his own face with a sigh.]
Yeah... Yeah Zell's right, though. C'mere.
[Zell gets one more affectionate squeeze before Seifer cocks his head toward the couch, starting that way and expecting Squall to follow.]
[Squall had been worried until the two of them were back and in front of him and now that they are he's unable to hide his joy. All the worry he had for them, for what could or should happen seemed to vanish. Zell was too cheerful to feel sad around and even Seifer was different. Squall liked to think he was too and maybe in the past all this happiness he could have ignored but he can't now. With a small smile he gives Zell a quick side hug before following Seifer to the couch.]
So....are you and Zell dating now? It's cute if you are. Makes me feel better that you both aren't alone.
[On the couch he can't help but watch as Zell almost skips around to clean. Zell would never skip but he seems happy enough that if there was a moment it would be now. The looks that Seifer and Zell had shared before too were too much not to notice something had changed. Talking about Seifer and Zell was much easier than talking about himself and Seifer, even if he had questions he wanted answered.]
[Seifer wasn't sure where to start but Squall immediately turning attention to him and Zell brings a flush to his cheeks and he glances away briefly, uncharacteristically shy and self-conscious about this.]
Uh... y-yeah. It was his idea. [He can't help wanting to make that clear right away. As though he expects to be accused of taking advantage of their faulty memories.] I had... sorta thought the reason he stopped.... talking to me was cause I...kissed him
[The blush on Seifer's face confirms it and honestly he couldn't be happier for the two of them. In his mind it makes more sense for Zell and Seifer to be together than for either of them to want anything with him. He's still not used to all off this and while he isn't pink in the face he shares in the self-consciousness and being shy about all of this with Seifer.]
I'm happy for you tw- wait when did you two kiss? Was this recent or....some other time? [Squall really hopes it's not a time either of them forgot but that gets him wondering if maybe he's ever kissed Seifer and might have forgotten it himself and that thought does get him blushing.]
Have I....have we...done anythign like that...that I might have forgot?
We were teenagers...I mentored him for the cadet exam and once he was cleared to take it I... was so happy for him and- [He trails off shrugging a little and blushing even harder.] Then he got his first GF the next day and I may as well have not existed.
[Squall's question gets him flustered too and he leans into the brunette as an excuse to not have to look directly at him. Shoulder to shoulder makes that difficult and at least this way he can pretend Squall can't see his burning cheeks.]
Us? Uh... well... sorta? It's not... the same thing. We were kids. I don't even think you were 11 yet? But Quistis came back and she wanted all your attention. It'd just been you and me for years and then she came along and I thought she was gonna take you away. Not sure why I thought kissing you would make you ignore her but I did.
Oh....does he know this? did you two talk about it? [He looks over to Zell and watches him clean for a moment before looking back at Seifer and catching him right when he mentions their own story.]
We....Seifer I don't...I don't remember any of that...[His dark brows furrow as he rubs at his head, trying to remember anything of what Seifer's talking about but it's all a bit of a blur. He remembers Seifer younger, remembers playing with him but not much else, nothing specific. He's pretty upset he can't remember it though. Seifer would have been his first kiss and he didn't even know it.]
Did I....did I like it? Did I kiss you back? Please tell me I didn't push you away...
[Squall rubs at his head, trying to remember and Seifer reaches out to take his hand instead, drawing it away from his face before he can get too frustrated with his memory. He threads their fingers together, doubting something small like that will really bring much back for Squall. Not the way it did for Zell. But... Squall had been a physical person too once upon a time. Not with everyone but with him, with Ellone, with Matron.
Squall is a lot more selective about who he lets that close to him. Which makes the concern he has about pushing Seifer away even more adorable. He shakes his head, dismissing the worry straight away. A shy, hesitant sort of smile tugging at his lips.]
No you didn't push me away. I mean. We were kids there wasn't any kissing back, exactly. But... you held my hand. Well, you always had but it was a lot more after that. And you actually tried to tell Quistis no when she came to interrupt what we were doing. Not that she listened.
[It is helpful to smash some of the worry down but he's still a bit distressed by this news. He gives Seifer's hand a squeeze in return, something slightly desperate to keep him here and in this moment. Those grey eyes are a storm as they look over Seifer, trying so hard to see or remember something that was long forgotten but he can't. Try as he might he can't remember what Seifer's saying.]
I'm sorry...I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I forgot this...Seifer I'm so sorry.
[The worry from before mixed with the pain he felt in this moment were getting to him and he pulled Seifer closer, moving in closer as well until he could rest his head against that broad chest. He knew Zell was probably still watching them and that he was maybe worrying him and Seifer but he couldn't help how awful he felt.]
I'm sorry
[He repeated those two words over and over as he buried himself further against Seifer. Try as he might to remember the good times locked in his mind all he could remember the bad. The shared scar, every time he pushed Seifer away, the torture, fighting him, watching him practically die in front of him and doing nothing about it. With all that awful how could Seifer ever let him back into his life. He was horrible, a villain in his friends story. He didn't deserve to have Seifer be this kind to him. He hadn't earned it but try as he might to move his body wouldn't let him.]
[Even if he were able to move he wouldn't be going anywhere. Squall leans into him and Seifer's arms come around him, hefting him up and just dumping the brunet into his lap fully. He was most of the way there already. One hand strokes down Squall's back, over his hair while he looks over his shoulder trying to catch Zell's eye. Squall needs reassurance maybe even more than he had earlier and Zell is a lot better at the whole... talking part of this shit than he will ever be.]
H-hey... shhh you don't gotta apologize. [A small gesture for Zell to come join them.] It wasn't your fault. And it wasn't mine. And I know that shit is hard to accept, fucking trust me, I know. You two won't let me forget it though. So we're not gonna let you forget it either. Right?
[Zell is an energetic guy who likes to keep himself moving; as such, especially when he's trying to make himself not be nosy about a conversation he's extremely invested in so that Seifer and Squall can have some privacy, he'd thrown himself into cleaning up that mess right away. It hadn't been too hard; most of the shards of Squall's mug had been big enough to simply pick up and drop in a trash can, and then it had just been a matter of wiping up the coffee and the tinier shards with some wadded-up paper towels.
Of course, this hadn't taken long. So he's been lurking since then, fidgeting - but resisting the urge to distractingly shadowbox in the background of their discussion - as he waited for developments. He hasn't really been trying to eavesdrop, or to watch them, but...once Seifer pulls Squall into his lap and catches his eye, by that point Zell is fairly patched into what's happening despite his better instincts. And as soon as he's acknowledged, invited in, he moves right over to settle next to Seifer.] Damn right we're not. I've already told both you and Seifer - what good's beating yourself up forever over stuff you can't change gonna do? Being all hung up on apologizing for who you used to be is just gonna get in the way of being who you wanna be or treating us how you wanna treat us now.
Not like Seifer doesn't deserve apologies from us, but...it's not like that's what he's been missing from us, either. Just like how we don't want him apologizing to us over and over. We just want the old Seifer back. The real him. Right?
You're not dumb unless I am, too. I only just found out that - well, when we were younger, he was my first kiss. We almost ended up boyfriends. The only reason we didn't is because right after...I junctioned my first GF during the cadet exam, and I lost everything about him.
So yeah, if you wanna talk about feeling guilty for forgetting important stuff, I know a little bit about it.
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From Seifer's phone
Date: 2022-11-12 09:23 pm (UTC)Re: From Seifer's phone
Date: 2022-11-12 09:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-11-12 09:48 pm (UTC)This is Seifer! He wouldn't get all quiet and broody unless it was something that was really eating him! And you both suck talking about that kinda stuff.
no subject
Date: 2022-11-12 11:52 pm (UTC).......
I'm sorry. Can you tell Seifer that? I think I said something wrong to make him run off...
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Date: 2022-11-12 11:58 pm (UTC)But you guys should talk to each other already, so I'm giving his phone back.
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Date: 2022-11-13 12:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-11-13 12:09 am (UTC)Both of you.
We're gonna come back to the apartments.
no subject
Date: 2022-11-13 12:39 am (UTC)I can make some hot dogs real quick if Zell is hungry. Do you want some?
no subject
Date: 2022-11-13 02:51 pm (UTC)Hey.
[He settles his free hand on Squall's shoulder, making sure the brunet is looking at him.]
We're both dumb, we both fucked up. That stops now, got it?
[His expression cracks a little, uncertainty in his eyes as he glances over at Zell, squeezing his hand even tighter, needing that anchor and encouragement one more time before his hand moves from Squall's shoulder to the front of his shirt, curling into a fist and yanking him forward into a kiss.]
no subject
Date: 2022-11-13 03:39 pm (UTC)He's already eaten and making coffee by the time Seifer and Zell storm back into the apartment. The slamming door alerts hin and he drops his cup in surprise, porcelain crashing to the floor and shattering around him. Seifer is coming towards him so he steps away from the mess and then is grabbed. He doesnt get to say anything before Seifer is speaking and apologizing? At least he thinks its an apology but then hes pulling him in for a kiss. Squall's icey eyes widen and he doesnt react right away too stunned by the chain of events but then his brain catches up and he grabs at Seifer's shirt in return, just as desperate for that touch and that kiss. When he can finally breathe again he looked at Seifer confused before leaning in and resting his head on his shoulder, still holding onto him.]
I'm sorry. I'm sorry too.
no subject
Date: 2022-11-13 05:20 pm (UTC)See? I knew it!
no subject
Date: 2022-11-13 06:45 pm (UTC)Well at least one of us did.
[A soft scoff at his own stubborn stupidity.]
Uh... Sorry about your coffee, though... [This murmured sheepishly against Squall as he looks past him to the mess on the kitchen floor. Oops?]
no subject
Date: 2022-11-13 09:04 pm (UTC)[There is a chuckle there as he pulls away enough to look at both of them but not enough for Seifer to remove his hand. That feels really nice actually. Maybe he can convince Seifer to do it more often somehow, after he's done being really embarrassed of this whole situation.]
You owe me a talk, we didn't get to finish our rooftop rendezvous.
[He looks from Seifer to Zell and then the broken mug and coffee.]
But that can wait. I made hot dogs if you two are hungry, I have a date with a mop right now.
no subject
Date: 2022-11-14 01:19 pm (UTC)Anyway, you said Seifer owes you a talk, right? I'll clean up, you guys go do what you should've done hours ago. And if you're fast enough, maybe I'll even leave you some hot dogs. [Maybe.] A date with Seifer's probably an upgrade from a mop, anyway.
[There's a glint of mischievousness in his eyes. Clearly he's in a good mood, and on very good terms with Seifer right now, to be teasing like this.]
no subject
Date: 2022-11-14 09:59 pm (UTC)Then Seifer's hand drops from Squall's hair to scrub over his own face with a sigh.]
Yeah... Yeah Zell's right, though. C'mere.
[Zell gets one more affectionate squeeze before Seifer cocks his head toward the couch, starting that way and expecting Squall to follow.]
no subject
Date: 2022-11-17 08:22 pm (UTC)So....are you and Zell dating now? It's cute if you are. Makes me feel better that you both aren't alone.
[On the couch he can't help but watch as Zell almost skips around to clean. Zell would never skip but he seems happy enough that if there was a moment it would be now. The looks that Seifer and Zell had shared before too were too much not to notice something had changed. Talking about Seifer and Zell was much easier than talking about himself and Seifer, even if he had questions he wanted answered.]
no subject
Date: 2022-11-18 12:59 am (UTC)Uh... y-yeah. It was his idea. [He can't help wanting to make that clear right away. As though he expects to be accused of taking advantage of their faulty memories.] I had... sorta thought the reason he stopped.... talking to me was cause I...kissed him
no subject
Date: 2022-11-22 04:15 pm (UTC)I'm happy for you tw- wait when did you two kiss? Was this recent or....some other time? [Squall really hopes it's not a time either of them forgot but that gets him wondering if maybe he's ever kissed Seifer and might have forgotten it himself and that thought does get him blushing.]
Have I....have we...done anythign like that...that I might have forgot?
no subject
Date: 2022-11-22 09:42 pm (UTC)[Squall's question gets him flustered too and he leans into the brunette as an excuse to not have to look directly at him. Shoulder to shoulder makes that difficult and at least this way he can pretend Squall can't see his burning cheeks.]
Us? Uh... well... sorta? It's not... the same thing. We were kids. I don't even think you were 11 yet? But Quistis came back and she wanted all your attention. It'd just been you and me for years and then she came along and I thought she was gonna take you away. Not sure why I thought kissing you would make you ignore her but I did.
no subject
Date: 2022-11-23 05:02 pm (UTC)We....Seifer I don't...I don't remember any of that...[His dark brows furrow as he rubs at his head, trying to remember anything of what Seifer's talking about but it's all a bit of a blur. He remembers Seifer younger, remembers playing with him but not much else, nothing specific. He's pretty upset he can't remember it though. Seifer would have been his first kiss and he didn't even know it.]
Did I....did I like it? Did I kiss you back? Please tell me I didn't push you away...
no subject
Date: 2022-11-23 11:07 pm (UTC)[Squall rubs at his head, trying to remember and Seifer reaches out to take his hand instead, drawing it away from his face before he can get too frustrated with his memory. He threads their fingers together, doubting something small like that will really bring much back for Squall. Not the way it did for Zell. But... Squall had been a physical person too once upon a time. Not with everyone but with him, with Ellone, with Matron.
Squall is a lot more selective about who he lets that close to him. Which makes the concern he has about pushing Seifer away even more adorable. He shakes his head, dismissing the worry straight away. A shy, hesitant sort of smile tugging at his lips.]
No you didn't push me away. I mean. We were kids there wasn't any kissing back, exactly. But... you held my hand. Well, you always had but it was a lot more after that. And you actually tried to tell Quistis no when she came to interrupt what we were doing. Not that she listened.
no subject
Date: 2022-11-25 02:06 pm (UTC)I'm sorry...I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I forgot this...Seifer I'm so sorry.
[The worry from before mixed with the pain he felt in this moment were getting to him and he pulled Seifer closer, moving in closer as well until he could rest his head against that broad chest. He knew Zell was probably still watching them and that he was maybe worrying him and Seifer but he couldn't help how awful he felt.]
I'm sorry
[He repeated those two words over and over as he buried himself further against Seifer. Try as he might to remember the good times locked in his mind all he could remember the bad. The shared scar, every time he pushed Seifer away, the torture, fighting him, watching him practically die in front of him and doing nothing about it. With all that awful how could Seifer ever let him back into his life. He was horrible, a villain in his friends story. He didn't deserve to have Seifer be this kind to him. He hadn't earned it but try as he might to move his body wouldn't let him.]
no subject
Date: 2022-11-27 02:43 am (UTC)H-hey... shhh you don't gotta apologize. [A small gesture for Zell to come join them.] It wasn't your fault. And it wasn't mine. And I know that shit is hard to accept, fucking trust me, I know. You two won't let me forget it though. So we're not gonna let you forget it either. Right?
no subject
Date: 2022-11-27 01:25 pm (UTC)Of course, this hadn't taken long. So he's been lurking since then, fidgeting - but resisting the urge to distractingly shadowbox in the background of their discussion - as he waited for developments. He hasn't really been trying to eavesdrop, or to watch them, but...once Seifer pulls Squall into his lap and catches his eye, by that point Zell is fairly patched into what's happening despite his better instincts. And as soon as he's acknowledged, invited in, he moves right over to settle next to Seifer.] Damn right we're not. I've already told both you and Seifer - what good's beating yourself up forever over stuff you can't change gonna do? Being all hung up on apologizing for who you used to be is just gonna get in the way of being who you wanna be or treating us how you wanna treat us now.
Not like Seifer doesn't deserve apologies from us, but...it's not like that's what he's been missing from us, either. Just like how we don't want him apologizing to us over and over. We just want the old Seifer back. The real him. Right?
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From:@fistfight again
Date: 2022-11-13 05:07 am (UTC)So yeah, if you wanna talk about feeling guilty for forgetting important stuff, I know a little bit about it.