"Squall can go fuck himself." The words are punctuated by another fist thrown at the punching bag and he turns from Cloud for a moment. But more words spill out whether he wants them to or not.
"If he- fuckin- gave a shit" Another particularly hard blow and the follow up misses, fatigue beginning to make him sloppy. He staggers forward from the momentum, holding to the punching bag again and this time there's something thick and wet in his voice, a hint of it in the way his shoulders shake. His voice thick with emotion but not enough to warrant tears. Not yet. Or maybe, not again. "He wouldn't do this...."
That's...not the answer Cloud expected. He moves closer to stand on the other side of the punching bag and hold it steady for Seifer, if he wants to keep going. Sure, he's still wearing himself out, but Cloud is here to call it when it really does get to be too much.
"Do what?" Quieter this time, and it's harder for Cloud to pretend at detachment now.
Ah... but Cloud steadying it means he can lean more heavily against it without actually leaning on Cloud. A nice compromise that protects his pride at least a little. The tone of his voice when he answers, though, is so defeated. Clearly he doesn't have that much fight left in him.
"He ever tell you what a GF is? Uh- Guardian Force."
Despite supporting a good portion of Seifer's weight at this point, Cloud's hold on the punching bag doesn't give an inch; Seifer might as well be leaning against a wall.
"Yeah. We got something similar in my world - even some of the same ones. But they just show up to fight, nothing else. We just call 'em summons."
"What's the trade off? For your summons." His gaze flicks over to Cloud for a moment and from this close its easy to see the signs that he's been crying, even if he isn't now.
Seifer's eyes are reddened, and Cloud doesn't know the guy that well, but he's pretty sure Seifer's not a person who cries much. Something must really be wrong...what the hell did Squall do?
In turn, from this close, Seifer can see the mako glow of Cloud's eyes, a luminous green corona at the center of a bright, vivid blue.
Cloud shakes his head. "Far as I know, nothing. We call 'em with materia, they help out, they scram. Maybe the Ancients made a deal with them or something. ...but I know why you're asking. The memory loss. Right?"
"So you know." Yeah the memory loss. But this close is far too close when he feels like just saying it might make his cry again. Or throw up. Maybe both? And that vibrant mako glow only makes Cloud's gaze that much more intense.
He shoves away from the punching bag and Cloud, pacing away a few steps, both hands coming up to slick his hair back as much as he can. "Then maybe you can tell me why the fuck they think it's a good idea to do this shit again."
Cloud lets go of the punching bag himself once Seifer's backed off, but he stays put - at least, until Seifer says that. He can't help taking an alarmed step forward, then, but just one, even as his eyes widen.
"Again? ...Squall and Zell want their GFs back? The hell for??"
"How the fuck should I know!?" Snapped over his shoulder at Cloud, only to huff an exasperated breath. "I... I get why Zell wants one. He's right. We can't compete with people here, it's too much that's so far beyond human capabilities and even getting the tiny bit of control over the elements that I've managed has taken me my whole damn life. But Squall?" He stomps along once more, circling back to the punching bag for one more blow.
"Whatever this other life of his was he's got plenty of fucking power. He doesn't need them. So why the hell??" A defeated sort of sigh as he shakes his head. "I dunno. Zell said they had precautions now but I sure as fuck wasn't capable of listening.... so I left."
Cloud frowns, looking down. He can understand Zell's perspective, too. After all, Cloud himself was once willing to take the risks of mako infusion if it meant he could be SOLDIER. But...Seifer's right about Squall. His magic is more than enough. And having gone through something similar to the memory effects they dealt with, he's not sure the Cloud of today would agree with his younger self that it's worth it even for Zell.
"Precautions." Cloud's voice is flat as a pancake. "What a comfort that'll be when they start losing shit."
He doesn't want to tell Seifer about Squall's nightmares, that would be breaking his confidence. But as distraught as Squall was that night, why the fuck would he risk all that again? Not to mention--
"...he knows what it's like. Being forgotten. This is bullshit. I'll talk to him."
"That's what I fucking thought." Seifer hisses. He hates this helpless sort of rage. It's infuriating and frustrating and only serves to make it that much harder to pull his emotions back under control.
"I'm gonna talk to them again in the morning. And... just try to make it make sense." One hand comes up to scrub back through his hair, only making it messier without his usual gel to keep it in place. "Maybe he'll actually listen to you. Fuck knows he stopped listening to me a long ass time ago." Seifer turns himself so he's not looking at Cloud, refusing to make eye contact or acknowledge the deeper hurt even as he speaks.
"Ever since me 'n Zell got here we've been... tryna find things that'll jog his memory. Little things that might make him remember-" me. Unspoken but Cloud knows enough about the situation that he can fill that in easily enough. "What's the point if he's just gonna do it again?"
The idea that he might come back and only remember the horrible things Seifer did under Ultimecia's control without the context of him being under her control is also terrifying. Not that he wouldn't deserve it if Squall did decide he needed to die for his crimes but... Zell has made a point of impressing on him how horrifying it would be from the other side, convinced to murder someone that should have been a friend because the memories that had shaped that friendship are long gone. He trusts that he could turn Zell away from ending up there but Squall?
As the one who's done much more of the forgetting than being forgotten, Cloud has no comment to make on Seifer's talk of whether or not Squall listens to him.
"Maybe he thinks those little things'll be enough even if he does forget again. Sounds too risky to me. ...lost memories of important people before, myself. Wouldn't risk it again for all the power in the world."
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
"If he- fuckin- gave a shit" Another particularly hard blow and the follow up misses, fatigue beginning to make him sloppy. He staggers forward from the momentum, holding to the punching bag again and this time there's something thick and wet in his voice, a hint of it in the way his shoulders shake. His voice thick with emotion but not enough to warrant tears. Not yet. Or maybe, not again. "He wouldn't do this...."
no subject
"Do what?" Quieter this time, and it's harder for Cloud to pretend at detachment now.
no subject
"He ever tell you what a GF is? Uh- Guardian Force."
no subject
"Yeah. We got something similar in my world - even some of the same ones. But they just show up to fight, nothing else. We just call 'em summons."
no subject
"What's their price for fighting for you?"
no subject
In turn, from this close, Seifer can see the mako glow of Cloud's eyes, a luminous green corona at the center of a bright, vivid blue.
Cloud shakes his head. "Far as I know, nothing. We call 'em with materia, they help out, they scram. Maybe the Ancients made a deal with them or something. ...but I know why you're asking. The memory loss. Right?"
no subject
He shoves away from the punching bag and Cloud, pacing away a few steps, both hands coming up to slick his hair back as much as he can. "Then maybe you can tell me why the fuck they think it's a good idea to do this shit again."
no subject
"Again? ...Squall and Zell want their GFs back? The hell for??"
no subject
"Whatever this other life of his was he's got plenty of fucking power. He doesn't need them. So why the hell??" A defeated sort of sigh as he shakes his head. "I dunno. Zell said they had precautions now but I sure as fuck wasn't capable of listening.... so I left."
no subject
"Precautions." Cloud's voice is flat as a pancake. "What a comfort that'll be when they start losing shit."
He doesn't want to tell Seifer about Squall's nightmares, that would be breaking his confidence. But as distraught as Squall was that night, why the fuck would he risk all that again? Not to mention--
"...he knows what it's like. Being forgotten. This is bullshit. I'll talk to him."
no subject
"I'm gonna talk to them again in the morning. And... just try to make it make sense." One hand comes up to scrub back through his hair, only making it messier without his usual gel to keep it in place. "Maybe he'll actually listen to you. Fuck knows he stopped listening to me a long ass time ago." Seifer turns himself so he's not looking at Cloud, refusing to make eye contact or acknowledge the deeper hurt even as he speaks.
"Ever since me 'n Zell got here we've been... tryna find things that'll jog his memory. Little things that might make him remember-" me. Unspoken but Cloud knows enough about the situation that he can fill that in easily enough. "What's the point if he's just gonna do it again?"
The idea that he might come back and only remember the horrible things Seifer did under Ultimecia's control without the context of him being under her control is also terrifying. Not that he wouldn't deserve it if Squall did decide he needed to die for his crimes but... Zell has made a point of impressing on him how horrifying it would be from the other side, convinced to murder someone that should have been a friend because the memories that had shaped that friendship are long gone. He trusts that he could turn Zell away from ending up there but Squall?
no subject
"Maybe he thinks those little things'll be enough even if he does forget again. Sounds too risky to me. ...lost memories of important people before, myself. Wouldn't risk it again for all the power in the world."