[Even though he never got a text back, Squall made hot dogs for them all anyway. They are easy to make and easy to find in the market since they already are weiners and Squall needed something to distract himself from the loss of texts from Seifer and Zell. Whatever the two had been doing took a bit and he sat alone waiting.
He's already eaten and making coffee by the time Seifer and Zell storm back into the apartment. The slamming door alerts hin and he drops his cup in surprise, porcelain crashing to the floor and shattering around him. Seifer is coming towards him so he steps away from the mess and then is grabbed. He doesnt get to say anything before Seifer is speaking and apologizing? At least he thinks its an apology but then hes pulling him in for a kiss. Squall's icey eyes widen and he doesnt react right away too stunned by the chain of events but then his brain catches up and he grabs at Seifer's shirt in return, just as desperate for that touch and that kiss. When he can finally breathe again he looked at Seifer confused before leaning in and resting his head on his shoulder, still holding onto him.]
[Zell, meanwhile, still holding Seifer's hand, is grinning broadly, almost bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet. He clearly couldn't be any more pleased to see Seifer and Squall finally get on the same page. Once their kiss breaks and Squall apologizes, he can't keep quiet any longer, bursting out in triumph.]
[Squall leans on his shoulder and Seifer lets his hand come up to thread into that lovely long mane of his, burying a chuckle into his hair as well at Zell's outburst. He tugs at the blond's hand, pulling him in against his side so he can release his hand to instead settle it where it belongs against his neck.]
Well at least one of us did.
[A soft scoff at his own stubborn stupidity.]
Uh... Sorry about your coffee, though... [This murmured sheepishly against Squall as he looks past him to the mess on the kitchen floor. Oops?]
It's fine...no use crying over broken coffee, right?
[There is a chuckle there as he pulls away enough to look at both of them but not enough for Seifer to remove his hand. That feels really nice actually. Maybe he can convince Seifer to do it more often somehow, after he's done being really embarrassed of this whole situation.]
You owe me a talk, we didn't get to finish our rooftop rendezvous.
[He looks from Seifer to Zell and then the broken mug and coffee.]
But that can wait. I made hot dogs if you two are hungry, I have a date with a mop right now.
Coffee doesn't break, stupid. [But this is said indulgently, with a grin still on Zell's face as he's pulled in close to both of them without complaint. Seifer's hand at the back of his neck settles him in ways he'd forgotten he could be settled. He moves an arm to wrap it around Squall's shoulders, turning their huddle into a sort of three-way embrace.]
Anyway, you said Seifer owes you a talk, right? I'll clean up, you guys go do what you should've done hours ago. And if you're fast enough, maybe I'll even leave you some hot dogs. [Maybe.] A date with Seifer's probably an upgrade from a mop, anyway.
[There's a glint of mischievousness in his eyes. Clearly he's in a good mood, and on very good terms with Seifer right now, to be teasing like this.]
Probably!?! [All indignation and mock fury even as he does exactly what Zell said he'd thought about, squeezing his neck and giving him a playful little shake, somewhere between a shove and a noogie. Actually... the blond might remember how upset he'd been the one and only time Seifer had noogied him as the reason why this little gesture is familiar.
Then Seifer's hand drops from Squall's hair to scrub over his own face with a sigh.]
Yeah... Yeah Zell's right, though. C'mere.
[Zell gets one more affectionate squeeze before Seifer cocks his head toward the couch, starting that way and expecting Squall to follow.]
[Squall had been worried until the two of them were back and in front of him and now that they are he's unable to hide his joy. All the worry he had for them, for what could or should happen seemed to vanish. Zell was too cheerful to feel sad around and even Seifer was different. Squall liked to think he was too and maybe in the past all this happiness he could have ignored but he can't now. With a small smile he gives Zell a quick side hug before following Seifer to the couch.]
So....are you and Zell dating now? It's cute if you are. Makes me feel better that you both aren't alone.
[On the couch he can't help but watch as Zell almost skips around to clean. Zell would never skip but he seems happy enough that if there was a moment it would be now. The looks that Seifer and Zell had shared before too were too much not to notice something had changed. Talking about Seifer and Zell was much easier than talking about himself and Seifer, even if he had questions he wanted answered.]
[Seifer wasn't sure where to start but Squall immediately turning attention to him and Zell brings a flush to his cheeks and he glances away briefly, uncharacteristically shy and self-conscious about this.]
Uh... y-yeah. It was his idea. [He can't help wanting to make that clear right away. As though he expects to be accused of taking advantage of their faulty memories.] I had... sorta thought the reason he stopped.... talking to me was cause I...kissed him
[The blush on Seifer's face confirms it and honestly he couldn't be happier for the two of them. In his mind it makes more sense for Zell and Seifer to be together than for either of them to want anything with him. He's still not used to all off this and while he isn't pink in the face he shares in the self-consciousness and being shy about all of this with Seifer.]
I'm happy for you tw- wait when did you two kiss? Was this recent or....some other time? [Squall really hopes it's not a time either of them forgot but that gets him wondering if maybe he's ever kissed Seifer and might have forgotten it himself and that thought does get him blushing.]
Have I....have we...done anythign like that...that I might have forgot?
We were teenagers...I mentored him for the cadet exam and once he was cleared to take it I... was so happy for him and- [He trails off shrugging a little and blushing even harder.] Then he got his first GF the next day and I may as well have not existed.
[Squall's question gets him flustered too and he leans into the brunette as an excuse to not have to look directly at him. Shoulder to shoulder makes that difficult and at least this way he can pretend Squall can't see his burning cheeks.]
Us? Uh... well... sorta? It's not... the same thing. We were kids. I don't even think you were 11 yet? But Quistis came back and she wanted all your attention. It'd just been you and me for years and then she came along and I thought she was gonna take you away. Not sure why I thought kissing you would make you ignore her but I did.
Oh....does he know this? did you two talk about it? [He looks over to Zell and watches him clean for a moment before looking back at Seifer and catching him right when he mentions their own story.]
We....Seifer I don't...I don't remember any of that...[His dark brows furrow as he rubs at his head, trying to remember anything of what Seifer's talking about but it's all a bit of a blur. He remembers Seifer younger, remembers playing with him but not much else, nothing specific. He's pretty upset he can't remember it though. Seifer would have been his first kiss and he didn't even know it.]
Did I....did I like it? Did I kiss you back? Please tell me I didn't push you away...
[Squall rubs at his head, trying to remember and Seifer reaches out to take his hand instead, drawing it away from his face before he can get too frustrated with his memory. He threads their fingers together, doubting something small like that will really bring much back for Squall. Not the way it did for Zell. But... Squall had been a physical person too once upon a time. Not with everyone but with him, with Ellone, with Matron.
Squall is a lot more selective about who he lets that close to him. Which makes the concern he has about pushing Seifer away even more adorable. He shakes his head, dismissing the worry straight away. A shy, hesitant sort of smile tugging at his lips.]
No you didn't push me away. I mean. We were kids there wasn't any kissing back, exactly. But... you held my hand. Well, you always had but it was a lot more after that. And you actually tried to tell Quistis no when she came to interrupt what we were doing. Not that she listened.
[It is helpful to smash some of the worry down but he's still a bit distressed by this news. He gives Seifer's hand a squeeze in return, something slightly desperate to keep him here and in this moment. Those grey eyes are a storm as they look over Seifer, trying so hard to see or remember something that was long forgotten but he can't. Try as he might he can't remember what Seifer's saying.]
I'm sorry...I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I forgot this...Seifer I'm so sorry.
[The worry from before mixed with the pain he felt in this moment were getting to him and he pulled Seifer closer, moving in closer as well until he could rest his head against that broad chest. He knew Zell was probably still watching them and that he was maybe worrying him and Seifer but he couldn't help how awful he felt.]
I'm sorry
[He repeated those two words over and over as he buried himself further against Seifer. Try as he might to remember the good times locked in his mind all he could remember the bad. The shared scar, every time he pushed Seifer away, the torture, fighting him, watching him practically die in front of him and doing nothing about it. With all that awful how could Seifer ever let him back into his life. He was horrible, a villain in his friends story. He didn't deserve to have Seifer be this kind to him. He hadn't earned it but try as he might to move his body wouldn't let him.]
[Even if he were able to move he wouldn't be going anywhere. Squall leans into him and Seifer's arms come around him, hefting him up and just dumping the brunet into his lap fully. He was most of the way there already. One hand strokes down Squall's back, over his hair while he looks over his shoulder trying to catch Zell's eye. Squall needs reassurance maybe even more than he had earlier and Zell is a lot better at the whole... talking part of this shit than he will ever be.]
H-hey... shhh you don't gotta apologize. [A small gesture for Zell to come join them.] It wasn't your fault. And it wasn't mine. And I know that shit is hard to accept, fucking trust me, I know. You two won't let me forget it though. So we're not gonna let you forget it either. Right?
[Zell is an energetic guy who likes to keep himself moving; as such, especially when he's trying to make himself not be nosy about a conversation he's extremely invested in so that Seifer and Squall can have some privacy, he'd thrown himself into cleaning up that mess right away. It hadn't been too hard; most of the shards of Squall's mug had been big enough to simply pick up and drop in a trash can, and then it had just been a matter of wiping up the coffee and the tinier shards with some wadded-up paper towels.
Of course, this hadn't taken long. So he's been lurking since then, fidgeting - but resisting the urge to distractingly shadowbox in the background of their discussion - as he waited for developments. He hasn't really been trying to eavesdrop, or to watch them, but...once Seifer pulls Squall into his lap and catches his eye, by that point Zell is fairly patched into what's happening despite his better instincts. And as soon as he's acknowledged, invited in, he moves right over to settle next to Seifer.] Damn right we're not. I've already told both you and Seifer - what good's beating yourself up forever over stuff you can't change gonna do? Being all hung up on apologizing for who you used to be is just gonna get in the way of being who you wanna be or treating us how you wanna treat us now.
Not like Seifer doesn't deserve apologies from us, but...it's not like that's what he's been missing from us, either. Just like how we don't want him apologizing to us over and over. We just want the old Seifer back. The real him. Right?
[Being pulled into Seifer's arms helps a little. Those arms around him and the way Seifer feels under him is nice even if it's not something he can ever really remember feeling. It does seem to at least stop Squall's repetitive apologies for now, even if he is still upset. Zell remembered his times with Seifer, why couldn't he? What was wrong with him that he couldn't?]
Y-yeah...I want the real Seifer back too but...
[This sucks. Squall pulls back a little to look at the both of them, though not far enough away that his arms aren't around Seifer almost a little too tightly. He wants to be like them, he wants to remember and not have to feel like the only one who still doesn't have the whole picture. It's upsetting. He wants to remember being a child with Seifer, of holding his hand.]
Why am I the only one who can't remember? I feel like....well I feel like a dick.
's not like it's your choice. [Seifer actually rolls his eyes at that. Leave it to Squall to feel guilty about something that was done to him without his permission. He's a victim here too and somehow he's twisted it into him being a dick??]
You're not a dick for not being able to remember, idiot.
And I don't want you guys gettin the wrong idea. We were friends once, yeah, but... I'm still an asshole in a lotta ways. Maybe... not so angry now that I know what's going on. [What Ultimecia demanded of him? Yeah that's not him but every other instance of him being an ass? Maybe the catalyst isn't there but that's still who he is.]
[Zell scratches his head.] Well, I remembered once Seifer...well, did stuff he'd done before? Like...when I felt it, and realized it felt familiar. [He turns a little pink; one of those things, after all, had been kissing him.] But my body's always been smarter than my head. So maybe it's not a surprise it remembers better than the rest of me. You're different, though. So maybe it's just gonna take something different for your memories to come back. Maybe if Seifer describes things to you more, like when Irvine described the orphanage to us...?
[Zell gives Seifer a bemused look.] What, do you think Squall and I expect you to become someone totally new now that we're friends again? Or, y'know...dating? Less angry's good, but...I know the only you I remember decently well is who you were after I forgot you. I remember a little of who you were before, but...only bits and pieces still. [And, for a moment, he looks downcast.] And yeah...you were nicer back then. Happier. But I don't expect you to just...turn into that guy again. Even if you could, I'd end up feeling like you were some stranger I have to get to know all over again, like with how much Squall's changed. It wouldn't be bad, but...it'd be weird.
Besides, we both liked you even when you were a jackass. Maybe it was kinda complicated, but...there's always been good stuff about you. Like how strong you are, and how you never just blindly follow orders, how you've got all these principles even with people you hate, how much you care about stuff - [Zell belatedly realizes he...might be going on too much, and promptly turns even redder than before.] A-anyway, the point is we don't care if you're the same Seifer from, like...back during the SeeD exam. The worst parts of you were just you hassling us all the time for reasons we didn't even understand. I think that's the only thing we ever really wanted to change. And that's the only thing that really has a reason to change now, right?
[One thing that Squall is totally unfamilair with and he's sure he's never had to deal with is both Seifer and Zell teaming up against him like this, albiet for a good reason but still. He has Zell on his side looking way too cute and sweet and earnest while Seifer is beneath him and being gentle in his own way. It's a lot to take in and all Squall can do is just nod and hide against Seifer's chest. With one hand he entwines his fingers with Seifer and the other with Zell's giving them both a squeeze as if to say okay, and he understands what they are saying.]
[It takes a moment before he speaks again and when he does he doesn't remove his face from where he hid it.] I should be the one saying all this to the both of you. I'm older and yet....I still am a mess I guess. Even still I can't help but feel bad that I can't remember it but Zell's right, it would be weird if you changed so much so suddenly....
[He does shift a bit then to look at Zell] Am I really that weird now? [He can't help the pout on his face when he asks that. He knows he's different but different is good right? He was awful before but still if they think he's weird than that might make complications. He's not sure he wants to be weird. ]
[He only avoided being teamed up on because Mrs. Dincht kept Zell from attending Garden until he was 13. If he'd been with them early enough to have been around while Seifer and Squall were still friends he'd absolutely have been enlisted in harassing the brunet. Seifer squeezes Squall's hand in return even as he leans against him and tilts just enough to press lightly against Zell as well.
The smaller blond does get a murmured "sap." beside his ear when he goes off about all of Seifer's good qualities but aside from that one little jab Seifer is more focused on Squall.]
You said you only just remembered this stuff right? and you lived a whole other life somewhere else? Why the hell would you have had any ability to deal with the leftover shit from a life you didn't remember? That makes no sense, Squall.
[Seifer's jab just gets a little huff from Zell in return. Most of his attention is on Squall.]
It's not bad weird. Just...unfamiliar weird. Like I already told you, you're so different from how you were at my age that it's like I gotta get to know you all over again. It's not like I'm complaining about you being different. A lot of the changes are nice. No way would you have dated me before.
But yeah, Seifer's right! You've got all these extra memories and years and stuff compared to us, no wonder your brain needs longer to sort itself out. It's a lot more to sift through, right? So stop finding excuses to beat yourself up. [He reaches out and pokes the furrow at the bridge of Squall's nose.] You look almost as grumpy as the old you when you brood over stupid stuff like that.
[He frowns a little more at the touch of his brow but it's more lighthearted then actually upset.]
Well if you miss the old me I can just frown more and be a jerk. I'm not trying to brood it's just my face.
[Squall does pull back from Zell's teasing and just hides his face against Seifer's chest once more. It's warm there and now that he's so close to the man he finds that his whole being just seems to calm him a little. The mix of Seifer's scent and how even now he's still bigger than him feels really good. ]
I'll try and remember everything I can as quickly as I can. I don't want to fail you both.
Squall. [ Seifer's tone is stern and serious, one they've likely heard him use in his role as the head of the disciplinary committee but never (or at least rarely) with them. It's the sort of voice that would've made him a good leader if... he'd been paired up with probably anyone else for the SeeD exam. Powerful and unyielding, allowing no room for argument but not unkind.] It is not a failure on your part if you can't remember. Parts of our lives were pretty shit. I wouldn't be surprised if it's not only the GFs. Sometimes your brain just, shuts things out that hurt too much.
So I don't want to hear any talk of failing or disappointing us. Just being you and giving us another chance is already more than I could have ever expected.
[Zell is distracted from the protests he was going to make in Squall's direction by...Seifer, saying more or less what he'd planned to say. Only...way more articulately, and in a much hotter voice. Zell doesn't get to hear Seifer like that often; Seifer had always acted differently around himself and Squall than he did with his Disciplinary Committee, after all. (And, of course, now they all know why that was.) He's heard it once or twice, but...never quite like this, and never this close, and never sounding so...cool.
...okay, he takes it back, he had heard Seifer sound like this once before, up close and personal, sounding incredibly cool. Another student at Garden had made a shitty comment about him - about his being trans - and Seifer had stood up for him. Zell hadn't remembered anything about Seifer at the time, it was after he'd lost his memories of him, but...that had been his first realization that there was a lot more to Seifer than just a domineering asshole. And what had previously just been aggravation had turned into a sort of grudging, distant admiration. (Interspersed with the occasional fuming rage when Seifer would mock him.)
Of course, Zell had still been trying to convince himself he was straight back then. He hadn't realized he'd thought it was hot at the time. But hearing it again now...oh, yeah. It had been sexy as hell then, and it's sexy now. And Zell really wants to kiss him again.
...Zell realizes, belatedly, that he's just kinda been staring at Seifer for probably too long not to have been noticed, and he promptly turns red up to his ears and looks away as though he can possibly play things off with a blush like that.] I mean...yeah, what he said.
[He has to fight the urge to facepalm, and mentally kicks himself around the room. Oh, yeah, that was a smooth recovery.]
[That voice does get his attention and he pulls back from his safe spot against Seifer's chest to look at him as he speaks. those green eyes are almost piercing him and hit a lot more than the words do in that moment. He too finds himself a little compromised by Seifer in this moment and his cheeks tint a few shades darker before he ad to pull away and look elsewhere.
His eyes settle on Zell instead and he sees that same reaction there if not worse and it gets him smiling a little. At least they can be stuck in this together, it's a bit comforting.]
Alright, alright. I'll go at my own pace but I am going to remember it. It might take me longer but I will....
[Squall looks at them both before wrapping an arm around both of them to pull them equally close to him.]
Can we maybe do a repeat of the mansion...I mean the whole...bed thing. It felt nice having you both near me.
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Date: 2022-11-13 03:39 pm (UTC)He's already eaten and making coffee by the time Seifer and Zell storm back into the apartment. The slamming door alerts hin and he drops his cup in surprise, porcelain crashing to the floor and shattering around him. Seifer is coming towards him so he steps away from the mess and then is grabbed. He doesnt get to say anything before Seifer is speaking and apologizing? At least he thinks its an apology but then hes pulling him in for a kiss. Squall's icey eyes widen and he doesnt react right away too stunned by the chain of events but then his brain catches up and he grabs at Seifer's shirt in return, just as desperate for that touch and that kiss. When he can finally breathe again he looked at Seifer confused before leaning in and resting his head on his shoulder, still holding onto him.]
I'm sorry. I'm sorry too.
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Date: 2022-11-13 05:20 pm (UTC)See? I knew it!
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Date: 2022-11-13 06:45 pm (UTC)Well at least one of us did.
[A soft scoff at his own stubborn stupidity.]
Uh... Sorry about your coffee, though... [This murmured sheepishly against Squall as he looks past him to the mess on the kitchen floor. Oops?]
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Date: 2022-11-13 09:04 pm (UTC)[There is a chuckle there as he pulls away enough to look at both of them but not enough for Seifer to remove his hand. That feels really nice actually. Maybe he can convince Seifer to do it more often somehow, after he's done being really embarrassed of this whole situation.]
You owe me a talk, we didn't get to finish our rooftop rendezvous.
[He looks from Seifer to Zell and then the broken mug and coffee.]
But that can wait. I made hot dogs if you two are hungry, I have a date with a mop right now.
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Date: 2022-11-14 01:19 pm (UTC)Anyway, you said Seifer owes you a talk, right? I'll clean up, you guys go do what you should've done hours ago. And if you're fast enough, maybe I'll even leave you some hot dogs. [Maybe.] A date with Seifer's probably an upgrade from a mop, anyway.
[There's a glint of mischievousness in his eyes. Clearly he's in a good mood, and on very good terms with Seifer right now, to be teasing like this.]
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Date: 2022-11-14 09:59 pm (UTC)Then Seifer's hand drops from Squall's hair to scrub over his own face with a sigh.]
Yeah... Yeah Zell's right, though. C'mere.
[Zell gets one more affectionate squeeze before Seifer cocks his head toward the couch, starting that way and expecting Squall to follow.]
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Date: 2022-11-17 08:22 pm (UTC)So....are you and Zell dating now? It's cute if you are. Makes me feel better that you both aren't alone.
[On the couch he can't help but watch as Zell almost skips around to clean. Zell would never skip but he seems happy enough that if there was a moment it would be now. The looks that Seifer and Zell had shared before too were too much not to notice something had changed. Talking about Seifer and Zell was much easier than talking about himself and Seifer, even if he had questions he wanted answered.]
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Date: 2022-11-18 12:59 am (UTC)Uh... y-yeah. It was his idea. [He can't help wanting to make that clear right away. As though he expects to be accused of taking advantage of their faulty memories.] I had... sorta thought the reason he stopped.... talking to me was cause I...kissed him
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Date: 2022-11-22 04:15 pm (UTC)I'm happy for you tw- wait when did you two kiss? Was this recent or....some other time? [Squall really hopes it's not a time either of them forgot but that gets him wondering if maybe he's ever kissed Seifer and might have forgotten it himself and that thought does get him blushing.]
Have I....have we...done anythign like that...that I might have forgot?
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Date: 2022-11-22 09:42 pm (UTC)[Squall's question gets him flustered too and he leans into the brunette as an excuse to not have to look directly at him. Shoulder to shoulder makes that difficult and at least this way he can pretend Squall can't see his burning cheeks.]
Us? Uh... well... sorta? It's not... the same thing. We were kids. I don't even think you were 11 yet? But Quistis came back and she wanted all your attention. It'd just been you and me for years and then she came along and I thought she was gonna take you away. Not sure why I thought kissing you would make you ignore her but I did.
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Date: 2022-11-23 05:02 pm (UTC)We....Seifer I don't...I don't remember any of that...[His dark brows furrow as he rubs at his head, trying to remember anything of what Seifer's talking about but it's all a bit of a blur. He remembers Seifer younger, remembers playing with him but not much else, nothing specific. He's pretty upset he can't remember it though. Seifer would have been his first kiss and he didn't even know it.]
Did I....did I like it? Did I kiss you back? Please tell me I didn't push you away...
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Date: 2022-11-23 11:07 pm (UTC)[Squall rubs at his head, trying to remember and Seifer reaches out to take his hand instead, drawing it away from his face before he can get too frustrated with his memory. He threads their fingers together, doubting something small like that will really bring much back for Squall. Not the way it did for Zell. But... Squall had been a physical person too once upon a time. Not with everyone but with him, with Ellone, with Matron.
Squall is a lot more selective about who he lets that close to him. Which makes the concern he has about pushing Seifer away even more adorable. He shakes his head, dismissing the worry straight away. A shy, hesitant sort of smile tugging at his lips.]
No you didn't push me away. I mean. We were kids there wasn't any kissing back, exactly. But... you held my hand. Well, you always had but it was a lot more after that. And you actually tried to tell Quistis no when she came to interrupt what we were doing. Not that she listened.
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Date: 2022-11-25 02:06 pm (UTC)I'm sorry...I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I forgot this...Seifer I'm so sorry.
[The worry from before mixed with the pain he felt in this moment were getting to him and he pulled Seifer closer, moving in closer as well until he could rest his head against that broad chest. He knew Zell was probably still watching them and that he was maybe worrying him and Seifer but he couldn't help how awful he felt.]
I'm sorry
[He repeated those two words over and over as he buried himself further against Seifer. Try as he might to remember the good times locked in his mind all he could remember the bad. The shared scar, every time he pushed Seifer away, the torture, fighting him, watching him practically die in front of him and doing nothing about it. With all that awful how could Seifer ever let him back into his life. He was horrible, a villain in his friends story. He didn't deserve to have Seifer be this kind to him. He hadn't earned it but try as he might to move his body wouldn't let him.]
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Date: 2022-11-27 02:43 am (UTC)H-hey... shhh you don't gotta apologize. [A small gesture for Zell to come join them.] It wasn't your fault. And it wasn't mine. And I know that shit is hard to accept, fucking trust me, I know. You two won't let me forget it though. So we're not gonna let you forget it either. Right?
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Date: 2022-11-27 01:25 pm (UTC)Of course, this hadn't taken long. So he's been lurking since then, fidgeting - but resisting the urge to distractingly shadowbox in the background of their discussion - as he waited for developments. He hasn't really been trying to eavesdrop, or to watch them, but...once Seifer pulls Squall into his lap and catches his eye, by that point Zell is fairly patched into what's happening despite his better instincts. And as soon as he's acknowledged, invited in, he moves right over to settle next to Seifer.] Damn right we're not. I've already told both you and Seifer - what good's beating yourself up forever over stuff you can't change gonna do? Being all hung up on apologizing for who you used to be is just gonna get in the way of being who you wanna be or treating us how you wanna treat us now.
Not like Seifer doesn't deserve apologies from us, but...it's not like that's what he's been missing from us, either. Just like how we don't want him apologizing to us over and over. We just want the old Seifer back. The real him. Right?
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Date: 2022-11-29 02:53 pm (UTC)Y-yeah...I want the real Seifer back too but...
[This sucks. Squall pulls back a little to look at the both of them, though not far enough away that his arms aren't around Seifer almost a little too tightly. He wants to be like them, he wants to remember and not have to feel like the only one who still doesn't have the whole picture. It's upsetting. He wants to remember being a child with Seifer, of holding his hand.]
Why am I the only one who can't remember? I feel like....well I feel like a dick.
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Date: 2022-12-01 06:43 pm (UTC)You're not a dick for not being able to remember, idiot.
And I don't want you guys gettin the wrong idea. We were friends once, yeah, but... I'm still an asshole in a lotta ways. Maybe... not so angry now that I know what's going on. [What Ultimecia demanded of him? Yeah that's not him but every other instance of him being an ass? Maybe the catalyst isn't there but that's still who he is.]
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Date: 2022-12-02 12:46 pm (UTC)[Zell gives Seifer a bemused look.] What, do you think Squall and I expect you to become someone totally new now that we're friends again? Or, y'know...dating? Less angry's good, but...I know the only you I remember decently well is who you were after I forgot you. I remember a little of who you were before, but...only bits and pieces still. [And, for a moment, he looks downcast.] And yeah...you were nicer back then. Happier. But I don't expect you to just...turn into that guy again. Even if you could, I'd end up feeling like you were some stranger I have to get to know all over again, like with how much Squall's changed. It wouldn't be bad, but...it'd be weird.
Besides, we both liked you even when you were a jackass. Maybe it was kinda complicated, but...there's always been good stuff about you. Like how strong you are, and how you never just blindly follow orders, how you've got all these principles even with people you hate, how much you care about stuff - [Zell belatedly realizes he...might be going on too much, and promptly turns even redder than before.] A-anyway, the point is we don't care if you're the same Seifer from, like...back during the SeeD exam. The worst parts of you were just you hassling us all the time for reasons we didn't even understand. I think that's the only thing we ever really wanted to change. And that's the only thing that really has a reason to change now, right?
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Date: 2022-12-05 09:18 pm (UTC)[It takes a moment before he speaks again and when he does he doesn't remove his face from where he hid it.] I should be the one saying all this to the both of you. I'm older and yet....I still am a mess I guess. Even still I can't help but feel bad that I can't remember it but Zell's right, it would be weird if you changed so much so suddenly....
[He does shift a bit then to look at Zell] Am I really that weird now? [He can't help the pout on his face when he asks that. He knows he's different but different is good right? He was awful before but still if they think he's weird than that might make complications. He's not sure he wants to be weird. ]
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Date: 2022-12-06 06:25 pm (UTC)The smaller blond does get a murmured "sap." beside his ear when he goes off about all of Seifer's good qualities but aside from that one little jab Seifer is more focused on Squall.]
You said you only just remembered this stuff right? and you lived a whole other life somewhere else? Why the hell would you have had any ability to deal with the leftover shit from a life you didn't remember? That makes no sense, Squall.
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Date: 2022-12-07 01:10 pm (UTC)It's not bad weird. Just...unfamiliar weird. Like I already told you, you're so different from how you were at my age that it's like I gotta get to know you all over again. It's not like I'm complaining about you being different. A lot of the changes are nice. No way would you have dated me before.
But yeah, Seifer's right! You've got all these extra memories and years and stuff compared to us, no wonder your brain needs longer to sort itself out. It's a lot more to sift through, right? So stop finding excuses to beat yourself up. [He reaches out and pokes the furrow at the bridge of Squall's nose.] You look almost as grumpy as the old you when you brood over stupid stuff like that.
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Date: 2022-12-15 02:36 pm (UTC)[He frowns a little more at the touch of his brow but it's more lighthearted then actually upset.]
Well if you miss the old me I can just frown more and be a jerk. I'm not trying to brood it's just my face.
[Squall does pull back from Zell's teasing and just hides his face against Seifer's chest once more. It's warm there and now that he's so close to the man he finds that his whole being just seems to calm him a little. The mix of Seifer's scent and how even now he's still bigger than him feels really good. ]
I'll try and remember everything I can as quickly as I can. I don't want to fail you both.
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Date: 2022-12-18 02:11 pm (UTC)So I don't want to hear any talk of failing or disappointing us. Just being you and giving us another chance is already more than I could have ever expected.
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Date: 2022-12-18 02:57 pm (UTC)...okay, he takes it back, he had heard Seifer sound like this once before, up close and personal, sounding incredibly cool. Another student at Garden had made a shitty comment about him - about his being trans - and Seifer had stood up for him. Zell hadn't remembered anything about Seifer at the time, it was after he'd lost his memories of him, but...that had been his first realization that there was a lot more to Seifer than just a domineering asshole. And what had previously just been aggravation had turned into a sort of grudging, distant admiration. (Interspersed with the occasional fuming rage when Seifer would mock him.)
Of course, Zell had still been trying to convince himself he was straight back then. He hadn't realized he'd thought it was hot at the time. But hearing it again now...oh, yeah. It had been sexy as hell then, and it's sexy now. And Zell really wants to kiss him again.
...Zell realizes, belatedly, that he's just kinda been staring at Seifer for probably too long not to have been noticed, and he promptly turns red up to his ears and looks away as though he can possibly play things off with a blush like that.] I mean...yeah, what he said.
[He has to fight the urge to facepalm, and mentally kicks himself around the room. Oh, yeah, that was a smooth recovery.]
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Date: 2022-12-19 04:50 pm (UTC)His eyes settle on Zell instead and he sees that same reaction there if not worse and it gets him smiling a little. At least they can be stuck in this together, it's a bit comforting.]
Alright, alright. I'll go at my own pace but I am going to remember it. It might take me longer but I will....
[Squall looks at them both before wrapping an arm around both of them to pull them equally close to him.]
Can we maybe do a repeat of the mansion...I mean the whole...bed thing. It felt nice having you both near me.
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