Cloud's out late tonight on a job, dropping off a delivery at the hub. His route home takes him past the training grounds, which is why Seifer will hear the growl of his motorcycle's engine at about the same time that Cloud hears the sounds coming from inside. It's a weird time for training, not that Cloud has any right to talk, considering half the time he can't sleep through the night and gets up to do things after midnight, too.
But it's hard to tell whether it really is training, or whether someone might be in trouble, and the possibility of the latter has Cloud pulling over before he even thinks about it. He dismounts directly into a dead run, Buster at his back, without bothering to turn off the ignition.
He skids to a halt, though, when he sees who it is.
Seifer doesn't look up, not right away. He's only wearing a pair of Squall's sweatpants and his boots, despite the chill of oncoming winter. His hands, at least, are wrapped in sport tape and he nails the punching bag a few more times. It's not his specialty but he's certainly pretty damn good at it. All SeeD cadets get some hand-to-hand combat training but two of Seifer's best friends are martial artists. He's had a hand in training them both and it shows. He's damp with sweat, clearly he's been at this for a good while and he's breathing hard through grit teeth when he does finally slam one more fierce blow into the bag.
He stops, stepping in to stop it from swinging too much, forehead pressed against the worn leather as he tries to steady his breathing and Cloud may well be able to see the slight tremor in his arms and shoulders. Muscles overworked after too long without proper conditioning and emotions still running much too high.
One of Cloud's best friends is a martial artist, too, and he's seen what happens when she pushes herself too hard. Between familiarity and his sharp SOLDIER senses, yeah, it's not hard to see what Seifer's doing, here.
"Me? Nah. Looks like you need a break, though. Gonna hurt yourself, you keep at it like that."
Seifer finally turns to look at Cloud, face twisted in anger.
"And?"
It's not fair, he knows that.... somewhere. Zell and Squall aren't doing this to hurt him, that's just a side effect. One he feels like warrants a hell of a lot more consideration than they're allowing for but... that's nothing new, is it? Story of his life. One cutting wound after another and no one to blame.
There's something grounding about physical pain when everything in his head and heart are in such turmoil. Really it's a wonder he's only doing this and hasn't found some other more destructive form of that grounding.
Cloud shrugs, unfazed by Seifer's aggressive reply. "And nothin'. But Squall'd probably be upset if you collapsed from exhaustion. N'then I'd have to deal with it."
Of course, he cares a lot more than he's making it sound, but he - and, he suspects, Seifer - is more comfortable at arm's length when it comes to people he isn't close to. Or, in this case, barely knows.
"Squall can go fuck himself." The words are punctuated by another fist thrown at the punching bag and he turns from Cloud for a moment. But more words spill out whether he wants them to or not.
"If he- fuckin- gave a shit" Another particularly hard blow and the follow up misses, fatigue beginning to make him sloppy. He staggers forward from the momentum, holding to the punching bag again and this time there's something thick and wet in his voice, a hint of it in the way his shoulders shake. His voice thick with emotion but not enough to warrant tears. Not yet. Or maybe, not again. "He wouldn't do this...."
That's...not the answer Cloud expected. He moves closer to stand on the other side of the punching bag and hold it steady for Seifer, if he wants to keep going. Sure, he's still wearing himself out, but Cloud is here to call it when it really does get to be too much.
"Do what?" Quieter this time, and it's harder for Cloud to pretend at detachment now.
Ah... but Cloud steadying it means he can lean more heavily against it without actually leaning on Cloud. A nice compromise that protects his pride at least a little. The tone of his voice when he answers, though, is so defeated. Clearly he doesn't have that much fight left in him.
"He ever tell you what a GF is? Uh- Guardian Force."
Despite supporting a good portion of Seifer's weight at this point, Cloud's hold on the punching bag doesn't give an inch; Seifer might as well be leaning against a wall.
"Yeah. We got something similar in my world - even some of the same ones. But they just show up to fight, nothing else. We just call 'em summons."
"What's the trade off? For your summons." His gaze flicks over to Cloud for a moment and from this close its easy to see the signs that he's been crying, even if he isn't now.
Seifer's eyes are reddened, and Cloud doesn't know the guy that well, but he's pretty sure Seifer's not a person who cries much. Something must really be wrong...what the hell did Squall do?
In turn, from this close, Seifer can see the mako glow of Cloud's eyes, a luminous green corona at the center of a bright, vivid blue.
Cloud shakes his head. "Far as I know, nothing. We call 'em with materia, they help out, they scram. Maybe the Ancients made a deal with them or something. ...but I know why you're asking. The memory loss. Right?"
"So you know." Yeah the memory loss. But this close is far too close when he feels like just saying it might make his cry again. Or throw up. Maybe both? And that vibrant mako glow only makes Cloud's gaze that much more intense.
He shoves away from the punching bag and Cloud, pacing away a few steps, both hands coming up to slick his hair back as much as he can. "Then maybe you can tell me why the fuck they think it's a good idea to do this shit again."
Cloud lets go of the punching bag himself once Seifer's backed off, but he stays put - at least, until Seifer says that. He can't help taking an alarmed step forward, then, but just one, even as his eyes widen.
"Again? ...Squall and Zell want their GFs back? The hell for??"
"How the fuck should I know!?" Snapped over his shoulder at Cloud, only to huff an exasperated breath. "I... I get why Zell wants one. He's right. We can't compete with people here, it's too much that's so far beyond human capabilities and even getting the tiny bit of control over the elements that I've managed has taken me my whole damn life. But Squall?" He stomps along once more, circling back to the punching bag for one more blow.
"Whatever this other life of his was he's got plenty of fucking power. He doesn't need them. So why the hell??" A defeated sort of sigh as he shakes his head. "I dunno. Zell said they had precautions now but I sure as fuck wasn't capable of listening.... so I left."
Cloud frowns, looking down. He can understand Zell's perspective, too. After all, Cloud himself was once willing to take the risks of mako infusion if it meant he could be SOLDIER. But...Seifer's right about Squall. His magic is more than enough. And having gone through something similar to the memory effects they dealt with, he's not sure the Cloud of today would agree with his younger self that it's worth it even for Zell.
"Precautions." Cloud's voice is flat as a pancake. "What a comfort that'll be when they start losing shit."
He doesn't want to tell Seifer about Squall's nightmares, that would be breaking his confidence. But as distraught as Squall was that night, why the fuck would he risk all that again? Not to mention--
"...he knows what it's like. Being forgotten. This is bullshit. I'll talk to him."
"That's what I fucking thought." Seifer hisses. He hates this helpless sort of rage. It's infuriating and frustrating and only serves to make it that much harder to pull his emotions back under control.
"I'm gonna talk to them again in the morning. And... just try to make it make sense." One hand comes up to scrub back through his hair, only making it messier without his usual gel to keep it in place. "Maybe he'll actually listen to you. Fuck knows he stopped listening to me a long ass time ago." Seifer turns himself so he's not looking at Cloud, refusing to make eye contact or acknowledge the deeper hurt even as he speaks.
"Ever since me 'n Zell got here we've been... tryna find things that'll jog his memory. Little things that might make him remember-" me. Unspoken but Cloud knows enough about the situation that he can fill that in easily enough. "What's the point if he's just gonna do it again?"
The idea that he might come back and only remember the horrible things Seifer did under Ultimecia's control without the context of him being under her control is also terrifying. Not that he wouldn't deserve it if Squall did decide he needed to die for his crimes but... Zell has made a point of impressing on him how horrifying it would be from the other side, convinced to murder someone that should have been a friend because the memories that had shaped that friendship are long gone. He trusts that he could turn Zell away from ending up there but Squall?
As the one who's done much more of the forgetting than being forgotten, Cloud has no comment to make on Seifer's talk of whether or not Squall listens to him.
"Maybe he thinks those little things'll be enough even if he does forget again. Sounds too risky to me. ...lost memories of important people before, myself. Wouldn't risk it again for all the power in the world."
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late night WTF time
Date: 2022-11-17 07:59 pm (UTC)But it's hard to tell whether it really is training, or whether someone might be in trouble, and the possibility of the latter has Cloud pulling over before he even thinks about it. He dismounts directly into a dead run, Buster at his back, without bothering to turn off the ignition.
He skids to a halt, though, when he sees who it is.
"...Seifer?"
no subject
Date: 2022-11-18 03:28 am (UTC)He stops, stepping in to stop it from swinging too much, forehead pressed against the worn leather as he tries to steady his breathing and Cloud may well be able to see the slight tremor in his arms and shoulders. Muscles overworked after too long without proper conditioning and emotions still running much too high.
"D'you need somethin?"
no subject
Date: 2022-11-18 03:34 am (UTC)"Me? Nah. Looks like you need a break, though. Gonna hurt yourself, you keep at it like that."
no subject
Date: 2022-11-18 01:46 pm (UTC)"And?"
It's not fair, he knows that.... somewhere. Zell and Squall aren't doing this to hurt him, that's just a side effect. One he feels like warrants a hell of a lot more consideration than they're allowing for but... that's nothing new, is it? Story of his life. One cutting wound after another and no one to blame.
There's something grounding about physical pain when everything in his head and heart are in such turmoil. Really it's a wonder he's only doing this and hasn't found some other more destructive form of that grounding.
no subject
Date: 2022-11-18 04:25 pm (UTC)Of course, he cares a lot more than he's making it sound, but he - and, he suspects, Seifer - is more comfortable at arm's length when it comes to people he isn't close to. Or, in this case, barely knows.
no subject
Date: 2022-11-18 07:05 pm (UTC)"If he- fuckin- gave a shit" Another particularly hard blow and the follow up misses, fatigue beginning to make him sloppy. He staggers forward from the momentum, holding to the punching bag again and this time there's something thick and wet in his voice, a hint of it in the way his shoulders shake. His voice thick with emotion but not enough to warrant tears. Not yet. Or maybe, not again. "He wouldn't do this...."
no subject
Date: 2022-11-18 08:34 pm (UTC)"Do what?" Quieter this time, and it's harder for Cloud to pretend at detachment now.
no subject
Date: 2022-11-18 09:34 pm (UTC)"He ever tell you what a GF is? Uh- Guardian Force."
no subject
Date: 2022-11-19 03:27 am (UTC)"Yeah. We got something similar in my world - even some of the same ones. But they just show up to fight, nothing else. We just call 'em summons."
no subject
Date: 2022-11-19 03:41 am (UTC)"What's their price for fighting for you?"
no subject
Date: 2022-11-19 04:08 am (UTC)In turn, from this close, Seifer can see the mako glow of Cloud's eyes, a luminous green corona at the center of a bright, vivid blue.
Cloud shakes his head. "Far as I know, nothing. We call 'em with materia, they help out, they scram. Maybe the Ancients made a deal with them or something. ...but I know why you're asking. The memory loss. Right?"
no subject
Date: 2022-11-19 03:51 pm (UTC)He shoves away from the punching bag and Cloud, pacing away a few steps, both hands coming up to slick his hair back as much as he can. "Then maybe you can tell me why the fuck they think it's a good idea to do this shit again."
no subject
Date: 2022-12-08 08:21 am (UTC)"Again? ...Squall and Zell want their GFs back? The hell for??"
no subject
Date: 2022-12-09 09:08 pm (UTC)"Whatever this other life of his was he's got plenty of fucking power. He doesn't need them. So why the hell??" A defeated sort of sigh as he shakes his head. "I dunno. Zell said they had precautions now but I sure as fuck wasn't capable of listening.... so I left."
no subject
Date: 2022-12-10 03:33 am (UTC)"Precautions." Cloud's voice is flat as a pancake. "What a comfort that'll be when they start losing shit."
He doesn't want to tell Seifer about Squall's nightmares, that would be breaking his confidence. But as distraught as Squall was that night, why the fuck would he risk all that again? Not to mention--
"...he knows what it's like. Being forgotten. This is bullshit. I'll talk to him."
no subject
Date: 2022-12-12 01:58 am (UTC)"I'm gonna talk to them again in the morning. And... just try to make it make sense." One hand comes up to scrub back through his hair, only making it messier without his usual gel to keep it in place. "Maybe he'll actually listen to you. Fuck knows he stopped listening to me a long ass time ago." Seifer turns himself so he's not looking at Cloud, refusing to make eye contact or acknowledge the deeper hurt even as he speaks.
"Ever since me 'n Zell got here we've been... tryna find things that'll jog his memory. Little things that might make him remember-" me. Unspoken but Cloud knows enough about the situation that he can fill that in easily enough. "What's the point if he's just gonna do it again?"
The idea that he might come back and only remember the horrible things Seifer did under Ultimecia's control without the context of him being under her control is also terrifying. Not that he wouldn't deserve it if Squall did decide he needed to die for his crimes but... Zell has made a point of impressing on him how horrifying it would be from the other side, convinced to murder someone that should have been a friend because the memories that had shaped that friendship are long gone. He trusts that he could turn Zell away from ending up there but Squall?
no subject
Date: 2023-01-04 12:35 am (UTC)"Maybe he thinks those little things'll be enough even if he does forget again. Sounds too risky to me. ...lost memories of important people before, myself. Wouldn't risk it again for all the power in the world."